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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 26 January 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 26 January 2020

Poor typists are rather ron

Poor typists are rather un qwerty nated.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

The sheriff of the small town

The sheriff of the small town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone. The wealthy man behind the wheel was steaming.
When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the butthole of the world!"
The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #85 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Please Show The I.D.


The following supposedly a true story.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Cursed Diamond

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Bexfield diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Bexfield."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Good care of pet deer

“Midas took very good care of his pet deer. He had a hart of gold.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

How to get rich...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,

"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 January 2017
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

A 2006 study found that the av...

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Not Bad.
#joke #short #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 June 2015
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water

I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2012
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (50)

Love and Cherish till …..

A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
'Darling, how I've missed you!'
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, 'Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 January 2018
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (43)

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 January 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (42)

Leaving Dan In My Will

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2017
  • Currently 8.78/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (41)

What do blondes say

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 January 2010
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (36)

Catholic Horses

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies Mitch noticed a priest who stepped onto the track and blessed the forehead of one horse lining up for the 4th race.Lo and behold, that horse--a very long shot--won the race.Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest as the old priest stepped onto the track again. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate, the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one horse.Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued, the priest kept blessing long-shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and waited for the priest's blessing to tell him which horse to bet on.True to his habit, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.He then watched, dumbfounded, as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.Confronting the old priest he demanded, “Father! What happened? All day long, you blessed horses and they all won. Then, in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you, I've lost every cent of my savings--all of it!”The priest nodded wisely and, with sympathy, said, “Son, that's the problem with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.”-
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

Comparing One Year Olds

Ed: How old is your brother?
Ted: He’s a year old.
Ed: Huh! I’ve got a dog a year old and he can walk twice as well as your brother.
Ted: Sure, your dog has twice as many legs.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 September 2014
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

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