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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 21 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 21 March 2020

Mucus puns? Don't even g

Mucus puns? Don't even goo there.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.30/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (10)

Answer the Easy Ones

Teacher: Little Johnny, if one and one make two, and two and two makes four, how much does four and four make?
Little Johnny: That isn’t fair, teacher. You answer the easy ones yourself and leave the hard ones for us.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #38 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Misunderstanding Terms


One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

“Last week, my mate a

“Last week, my mate asked me to pick his sister up from the ruler shop. I was centimeter.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (17)

There was a lawyer and he was

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was: "The drugs are wearing off!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 January 2020
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Like son like father....

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man.

"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 March 2017
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

I was at the mall the other da

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?
The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 June 2016
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

The Husband Store – Still True

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth & sixth floors have never been visited.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 March 2017
  • Currently 9.12/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (98)

Mike Birbiglia: Sex and Pizza

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When its good, its good. When its bad, you get it on your shirt.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 March 2010
  • Currently 2.96/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (45)

Little Angel?

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”
“He came from heaven, Johnny.”
“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 March 2009
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (42)

Daniel Tosh: Millionaire Game Show

Id like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they cant win money, they can only lose til one them goes complete broke, and the shows called Ha Ha, Now Youre Poor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 March 2012
  • Currently 2.81/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (42)

Kyle Kinane: This Is America

This is America. It is my God given right to be loudly opinionated about something I am completely ignorant of.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 March 2011
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (41)

Scary Collection 07

A witch joke
Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge?
She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings!

A cannibal joke
What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
They had a feast of fun!

A ghost joke
What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
Transparents!

A vampire joke
Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team?
The ghoulscorer!

A witch joke
Why did the witch give up fortune telling?
There was no future in it!

A Halloween joke
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken!

A witch joke
What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a spell!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 January 2011
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (18)

Couple at the cinema

One day, a man was dragged to the cinema by his wife who wanted to watch a romantic comedy.

Half an hour into the film, the man felt a nudge in his elbow. "What an outrage," his wife murmured to him.

"The person sitting in front of us is sleeping!" the woman said, clearly offended.

Her husband was fairly annoyed.

He replied: "You woke me up to tell me that?"

#joke
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Ponderings Collection 09


Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 July 2016
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

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