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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 30 April 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 30 April 2020

My greatest sphere My greatest sphere is that the Earth is round.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

A redneck calls up the White H...

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
Receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

SLIDESHOW #24 - Funny Photo Slideshow

It's Like Shorthand

"Could you learn to love me?" ask the young man.
"Well," sighed the young lady. "I did learn shorthand in just three months."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

“A seaman is forging

“A seaman is forging ahead when he writes graffiti on bathroom walls.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (12)

"Well, butter my butt and call

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."
"Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."
"He's as country as corn flakes."
"This is gooder'n grits."
"Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone tohelp me enjoy it."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

 Ask Your Question


One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Black eye...

One night a man stumbled into the police station with a black eye. He claimed he had heard a noise in his back yard and went to investigate. The next he knew, he was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to his house to investigate, and he returned 1 1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 May 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

A man has six children and is...

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home now, 'Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of four."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 April 2017
  • Currently 9.07/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (54)

If you work in an office with ...

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 April 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (50)

Bumper Stickers 17


"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (47)

Years ago someone in Californi...

Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold,” and people drove from all directions. That’s the way they still drive in California.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

Religious battle golf #joke #humor

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (36)

People were dying to...

“People were dying to meet the new mortician.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 January 2018
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Doc, you've got to help my husband...

"Doc, you've got to help my husband," a farmer's wife said frantically. "He thinks he's a racehorse. He wants to live in a stable; he walks on all fours and he even eats hay."
"I'm sure I can cure him," the doctor replied, "but it'll be very costly."
"Oh, money's no object," she responded. "He's already won two races."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 October 2016
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Home for the Holidays

Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama."The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened."I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.""But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?""It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.""But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?""No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.""Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there.""Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore."A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow."Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there." Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, "Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Rosh Hashanah."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 April 2018
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

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