Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 03 June 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 03 June 2020 |
During puberty, most quantum p
During puberty, most quantum physicists were obsessed with observing Mrs. Higg's bosom.“If desperate times b
“If desperate times breed desperate wordplay, we need to prepare for a pundemic.”
It was very crowded and noise
It was very crowded and noise in this Restaurant and this blond girl asks the waiter where the restroom was.He says: "I can't hear you!"
So she gets close to his ear and asks again: "Can you please tell me where the ladies room is?"
And he replies: "On the other side!"
So she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks: "Can you please tell me where the ladies room is, please!"
Eight-year-old Sally brought h
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Cutting class
"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"
"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it."
"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.
Fight To Win A Case
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: âJustice prevailed.â
The senior partner replied in haste, âAppeal immediately.â
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's ...
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.Dear Abby,
I'v
Dear Abby,I've never written to you before, but I really need youradvice on what could be a crucial decision.I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.It's the usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently - although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just don't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my boat next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.It was at that moment, crouching behind my boat, that I noticed that the lower unit seemed to be leaking a little oil.Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Worried Sick in Indiana
Writing letters to son
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
Joe passed away. His will prov
Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"
"Two and a half carats."
Why I spoke so softly in the house?
My wife asked why I spoke so softly in the house.I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!
She laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
Author SandipGarg.
NOTE:Many sharing this joke, but SandipGarg's tweet is the oldest post I found.
God knows
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
People say that there is no di...
People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. I say there is...Marry the right person, and you’re COMPLETE.
Marry the wrong person, and you’re FINISHED.
