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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 25 July 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 25 July 2020

Wearing a tight bathing suit c

Wearing a tight bathing suit can cure men's headaches, if it contains aspeedominophen.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

During her annual checkup, the

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #86 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Man And The Dog

There is an old story about the data center of the future.
This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog.
The man's job is to feed the dog.
The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

“The two werewolves b

“The two werewolves bayed each other goodbye.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 1.87/10

Rating: 1.9/10 (15)

What did he say?

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” And the old man yells, “He said he knows you!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 August 2017
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

 Chemistry Song 06


The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 September 2016
  • Currently 1.50/10

Rating: 1.5/10 (8)

Sam has been in business for 2...

Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars ...Your neighbor from forty miles away....Having a birthday party Friday ... Thought you might like to come. About 5...
"Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."
Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More'n'likely gonna be some fightin' too."
Sam says, "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Lars turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?"
Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us".
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2015
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (38)

New Gorilla in Bar

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."

The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (85)

A fellow bought a new Mercedes...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 8.57/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (44)

In A Bad Nursing Home


The Top Signs You're In A Bad Nursing Home

  1. Its named Heaven's Waiting Room.
  2. Cheap TV antenna can't pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.
  3. Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.
  4. Its named Matlock Manor.
  5. No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.
  6. Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.
  7. You can't ring a nurse but you can page the attorney's office down the hall.
  8. Rectal thermometers made of wood.
  9. Two words: Community Bedpan.


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (38)

Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost

in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to

locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new

fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to

buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,

dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the

garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would

never be able to

handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember

where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on

when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,

scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (35)

Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish

Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.34/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (32)

Addicted to Twitter

A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 February 2020
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (19)

Chihuahua at the vets

A man brings his Chihuahua to the vet.
They’re immediately taken to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in sniffs the Chihuahua, and leaves.
Then a cat comes in, stares at the dog, and leaves.
Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine, and hands the man a $250 bill.
"This must be a mistake," the man says.
"I’ve only been here 20 minutes!"
"No mistake," the doctor says.
"It’s $100 for the Lab test,
$100 for the cat scan,
and $50 for the medicine."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

The Prison Hospital

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 November 2016
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

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