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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 28 July 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 28 July 2020

The new soda clerk was a myste

The new soda clerk was a mystery, until he himself revealed his shameful past quite unconsciously by the question he put to the girl who had just asked for an egg-shake.
"Light or dark?" he asked mechanically.
#joke #short #food #egg
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.44/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (9)

“Crows complain infre

“Crows complain infrequently, and usually with just caws.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Two Women Archaeologists

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.
Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 July 2019
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Mystery...???

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too farfrom the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents.

The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 August 2017
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

 The Snowman

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Freeze
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 March 2017
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

What's your Stan

What's your Stans on Central Asia?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2015
  • Currently 2.18/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (11)

Church Cake!

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this — especially all the ladies who bake for church events

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake.”

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

“Thank you, I baked it myself.”

#joke #food #cake #lunch #dessert
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (45)

Answering Machine Message 97


"Camptown Races":
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 2.62/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (42)

How good was I?

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.

They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys.

There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.

Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, "So, how was I?"

She says, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 4.51/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (37)

New Secretary

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary. Afraid of sexual harrassment issues he held himself off for a week, but finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her. But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on. So, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?" Looking him in the eyes, she replied, "My lawyer!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 July 2010
  • Currently 4.97/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (35)

Bumper Stickers in Heaven

Honk if you ARE Jesus
Ask Me About My Previous Lives
I Brake For Celestial Choirs
I Died and Went To Heaven and All I Got Was This Lousy Halo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 July 2012
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (23)

What's for supper?

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

#joke #food #bread #dinner #garlic #steak #drinks
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 July 2014
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

The reason there are so many p...

The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they have such different views of sex and relationships.
Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex.
Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 July 2016
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

The Pickle

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him.
Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?"
The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants."
In a fluorish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guyand desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?"
The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."   

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 July 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Why does Ariel wear seashells ... and few more new jokes

Daughter: "dad, why does Ariel wear seashells"
Dad: "because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big"

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That's ridiculous, because my dogs don't even own bikes.

In the past, your last name often reflected your profession.
Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.
So what the heck was a Dickinson?

Wife asked, "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?"
"Can you not wait until you’ve opened your Birthday presents tomorrow?"

Had a look on a dating site. Possible match, similar interests, described herself as 5 ft 3 blue eyes, blonde hair…
Not sure I want to date someone with 3 blue eyes though!

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything.

Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

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