Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 08 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 08 September 2020

Which Nazi loved Michael Jorda

Which Nazi loved Michael Jordan?

Joseph Goebbels. He loved it when things were Goering well for the Chicago squad, and especially when MJ would achieve Luftwaffe and Reich up the points. For the fans, it was beyond their wildest iMaginotion. It was Panzermonium.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.36/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (11)

Three Kinds Of Men

There are three kinds of men in this world...
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened???

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.32/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

SLIDESHOW #48 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Old enough to do as I please

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Beer contains and female hormones

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 September 2017
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (18)

The millionaire...

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 September 2017
  • Currently 8.32/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

Three Types Of People

There are three types of people thoes who can count and those who cant. :)
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 June 2011
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

Perverted sex

What do you call a man who has sex with his mom?

A MOTHER FUCKER!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 September 2011
  • Currently 2.03/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (115)

Once a grizzly bear threatened...

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 September 2011
  • Currently 2.53/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (58)

Arj Barker: Friends With Kids

I only have, like, three really good friends, and they get worse every year. And its gotten to the point where I think theyd rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. Im like, Alright, but really, wheres the loyalty, man? Ive known you for 25 years. How long have you known your baby -- like a month? Alright, Judas, whatever.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 September 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (46)

Terrorize Telemarketer


Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

  1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
  2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
  3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
  4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
  5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
  6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
  7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
  8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
  9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
  10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."


#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 September 2009
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (42)

Borrowed the Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 September 2011
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (37)

Three men were discussing at a...

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2015
  • Currently 8.35/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (52)

Answering Machine Message 192

Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 April 2018
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

A guy is 86 years old and love...

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 September 2017
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

5 new jokes from the High Plains Comedy Festival

I’m from Texas.
I don’t sound like it – because I learned to read.”
~Usama Siddiquee

I’m polyamorous.
That means I love cats and dogs equally.”
~Mishka Shubaly

Once you reach age 35, you are not allowed to go on vacation alone.
It creeps everybody out.”
~Graham Kay

I might have kids someday. I don’t know.
Right now, I dont have time to come home and let them out.”
~Beth Stelling

My boyfriend and I just went to a destination wedding.
… Yeah, it was in Hell.”
~Katie Hannigan

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.