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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 24 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 24 September 2020

Let's Do It Again

After an MCAT exam, a father asks his son, "How did it go son?"
Young man, looking rather reproachful, replied, "It went well dad. In fact, it went so well that I will retake it again next year."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Rating: 2.8/10 (12)

More snow

It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand.
"It must have been terrible," said the government man to a farmer. "All that snow."
"Could have been worse," calmly answered the farmer. "My neighbor had more snow than me."
"How's that?" asked the government man.
"More land," replied the farmer.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 July 2020
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

 A Very Interesting Fact


Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 June 2020
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (16)

Jewish and Chinese Beginnings

"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people," the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?"

After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well, for one thing, the Jewish people had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 October 2017
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

The local bar was so sure that

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon,and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The man replied "I work for the IRS."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 January 2017
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

I had a communist lover. She l

I had a communist lover. She left Marx all over my body. They're only visible from certain Engels.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 October 2016
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Chuck Norris listens to "Requi...

Chuck Norris listens to "Requiem for a Tower" when he eats pancakes.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 September 2013
  • Currently 3.12/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (50)

Dating a Nun

Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeerLover

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 September 2009
  • Currently 4.19/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (48)

Sticks and stones may break yo...

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 September 2011
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (45)

Best room in the hotel?

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 September 2010
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (43)

Kangaroo Sleepovers

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 September 2013
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (36)

Oh, the Irony!

Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly but found her alone watching television. I ran around the house looking for her lover but could find no one. As I ran up the stairs to the attic, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 November 2015
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

What did the drummer call his...

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
- Anna one, Anna two...
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 August 2018
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (30)

The 10 best jokes of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2023 so far

Had my wedding recently.
I married a midwife, so she’s upgraded to a full wife.
~Ed Patrick

I hear the inventor of bubblewrap shoes has just popped his clogs.
~Olaf Falafel

People ask me about my anti-ageing secrets.
I use a phenomenal eye cream called Not Having Kids.
~Liz Guterbock

I drink decaf coffee.
I like my coffee how I like my men - missing everything I need.
~Sasha Ellen

How is everyone?
I just signed an NDA, so can't complain.
~Darren Walsh

Love is very powerful because it can make you look at a shirt and say,
'I wore that on our first date'
and completely forget you also wore it at a rectal exam
~Ian Smith

Family is important, because they’re the only people who know what you’ve been through,
and that’s because they caused half of it.
~Philipp Kostelecky

Men love fixing things.
Except themselves.
~Ollie Horn

I love buying alcohol from the self-service checkout.
I'm in a bad place, and I need to hear a voice say 'Someone is coming to help you'.
~Alexander Bennett

Minimum wage workers SHOULD be allowed to do as little as possible.
I got a pizza from Deliveroo, it turned up an hour late, wrong pizza, squashed in the box somehow and I said ‘good!’
That’s how it should be.
5 stars.
Big tip!
~Bilal Zafar

Photo credit Alan Powdrill – www.alanpowdrill.com

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Most recent Thanksgiving Jokes - fresh from 2023

What did one pumpkin pie say to the other?
"You wanna piece of me?"

How did you find grandma’s turkey this year?
I just looked next to the gravy.

Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.

What did the leftover turkey say?
"Make me a sandwich!"

What’s the difference between a turkey and a chicken?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.

Why do turkeys hate Thanksgiving tables?
They're a fowl sight.

Find New Thanksgiving jokes from 2023, fresh and corny.

When do you serve rubber turkey?
Pranksgiving!

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he's already stuffed!

What do you call an attractive pilgrim?
A puri-ten!

What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach?
Puri-tan.

Our collection Thanksgiving jokes has jokes collected for many years.

Why didn't the pilgrim want to make the bread?
It's a crummy job.

What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
Pil-grimace.

Why did the turkey stand on stilts?
Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.

What did the turkey say to his real estate agent?
Turn-key only.

I tried a new pie recipe.
Wow, you're a real pie-oneer.

You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving...
when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy!

Not enough Thanksgiving jokes? These jokes were new not so long ago 26 funny new Thanksgiving jokes that were new on 2020!

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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