Jokes of the day for Thursday, 10 December 2020
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 10 December 2020 |
Which actress wobbled when she
Which actress wobbled when she walked? Lucille Ball.An older man walks into Murphy
An older man walks into Murphy's Pub with three women and announces, "I'll give any man a sovereign to marry my 20 year old daughter, I'll give you ten sovereigns to marry my 30 year old daughter, and to marry my 40 year old daughter, I'll give you a hundred sovereigns!"At first there was nothing but silence, until a voice from the back of the room said, "Have you got a daughter about 80?"
So Forgetful
Eve: "My dear Jack is so forgetful."
Celia: "I agree. At the party last night I had to keep reminding him that it's you that he's engaged to and not me."
Four guys were at deer camp...
Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."
The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn’t believe it!
He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."
Old Blind Cowboy...
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a Billy-Club. 3. Im a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy . Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, No not if Im gonna have to explain it five times
A man phones home from his off...
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
In a fight between Batman and ...
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.Taking picture at museum
I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.
He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.
Found on Twitter BytownMuseum posted on 16 Jun 2019
A pretty blonde woman is drivi...
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
Don't confuse my personality with my attitude
Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who i am. My attitude depends on who you are.A Good Homily
Q: How long should a good homily be?A: It should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to keep you interested.
17 Yoga jokes for International Yoga Day
Jun the 21st is International Yoga Day! Celebrate it with few Yoga jokes!
1. I recently took up yoga, and the instructor asked me how flexible I am…
I said: I can only do Fridays.
2. I'm trying to write this pun about yoga.
But it's just not working out. It just seems a stretch.
3. What does the yoga teacher want for their birthday?
All they want is your presence.
4. Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?
The omless shelter.
5. Why is the pear so good at yoga?
He's got a great core.
6. What did the yogi tell his dog?
Nama, stay!
7. What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?
Nothing. They'll find themself.
8. What's a pirate's least favorite yoga move?
The plank pose.
9. What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.
10. I did an amazing yoga pose over this stream created from acidic rainfall yesterday.
I think it's called a bridge over troubled water . . .
11. Why is it easy to make an appointment with a yoga teacher?
They're just so flexible.
12. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys.
It's called "peace of ass".
13. Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
It came with too many attachments.
14. What happens if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
You get charged with premeditated murder.
15. Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability
16. Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic at the dentist?
He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!
17. I got chucked out of yoga class yesterday.
Apparently, I misinterpreted the Half-Moon Pose.
A college student picked up hi...
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."