Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 December 2020
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 December 2020
If men and women use a bathrooIf men and women use a bathroom, do hermaphrodites use a bothroom?
An older gent had an appointmeAn older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
What Are They For?
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
Minor operationA beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
Falling down drunk...
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second man says, "What are you a nut? There's no way that could happen."
The first man responds, "No it's true. Let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The second guy tells him, "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke."
The first guy says, "No, I'll prove it again," and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
The second man thinks, "Well why not? It works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat!'
Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real mean drunk."
A young blonde was on vacation...A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Sexy Poemsex is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information
to increse the population
for a younger genertion
do you get the information
or do you need a demonstaration
Daddy Is Going To War
The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war.
During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza."
Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
Jimmy and Johnny
Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, were standing at heaven's gate, waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.
Jimmy: "How did you get here?"
Johnny: "Hypothermia. You?"
Jimmy: "You won't believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack."
Johnny: "Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer we'd both be alive!"
For birthday husband...For birthday husband bought wife a bath scale, as a joke. For his birthday, she bought him a ruler.
Tom Papa: Friends Over 30Ask anybody over 30 -- if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know theyre counting co-workers.
When can we see the baby?
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. May we see the new baby? one of them asked.
Not yet, said the mother. I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, May we see the new baby now?
No, not yet, said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked, May we see the baby now?
No, not yet, replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, Well, when can we see the baby?
When it cries! she told them.
"When it cries? they gasped. Why do we have to wait until it cries?
Because, I forgot where I put it.
Q. What do you call a polar be...Q. What do you call a polar bear with ear muffs?
A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
This woman goes in for a facelift and the doctor says: "We've got this new method: I put a knob in the back of your head, and every time you feel like you need a lift, just turn it."
She gets the knob implanted and is beautiful for five years.
But one day she notices a problem and returns to the doctor.
"I've got these huge bags under my eyes," she complains.
The surgeon replies: "Those aren't bags; those are your breasts."
"Ah," she sighs. "That explains the goatee."