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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 30 December 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 30 December 2020

Mother: "When I was your age,

Mother: "When I was your age, my mother used to hide money around the house for me that I would find only if I performed my chores particularly well. One time when I was cleaning out the cupboards for her, I found $20 under the old shelf paper."
Daughter: "Wow! What a cool idea! Why didn't you ever do that with me?"
Mother: "But my dear ... I have been."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Best Diet Ever

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #53 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Interest rates in Japan are co

Interest rates in Japan are compounded sumo-annually.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2016
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

An investment counselor decide...

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 August 2015
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

Sex and athletics....

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 January 2015
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A man was walking down the str...

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularlydirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollarsfor dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I giveyou this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can getjust to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" theman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead offood?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'mgoing to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you fordoing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a manlooks like after he has given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 December 2018
  • Currently 8.97/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (75)

Two blondes were in a parking ...

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 December 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (64)

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris...

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 December 2013
  • Currently 4.23/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (56)

Computer Flatlined..

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror.

"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 December 2010
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (34)

Cat Birthday

Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

A: Mice cream and cake.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2018
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Forty-three percent of all Ame...

Forty-three percent of all Americans say that illegal immigration is a serious problem.
The other 57 percent said, "No hablo ingles."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 March 2017
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

5 Blondes celebrate

Five blondes go into a bar and one of them says to the bartender, "A round of drinks for me and my friends."

They get their drinks and the raise their glasses to a toast of, "To 51 days!" and they drink.

The "head blonde" asks the bartender to set them up again.

Again, the blondes toast "To 51 days!" and they drink. After they order a third round, the bartender says that he has to ask what the toast means.

The head blonde says, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it said, "two to four years" and we finished it in 51 days".

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 January 2010
  • Currently 7.83/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (42)

Fingers

A guy was packing for a business trip and his three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them and then went back to packing.
He looked up again and his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
He said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my boogie?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 March 2013
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

The Vase

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 August 2014
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Thinking about the future

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

#joke #short #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 January 2015
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

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