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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 13 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 13 January 2021

They Were Everywhere

I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist...
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

More snow

It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand.
"It must have been terrible," said the government man to a farmer. "All that snow."
"Could have been worse," calmly answered the farmer. "My neighbor had more snow than me."
"How's that?" asked the government man.
"More land," replied the farmer.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 July 2020
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

SLIDESHOW #66 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The boss ordered one of his me...

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered.
The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving amound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.
The boss snorted. "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 May 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Good news...bad news....

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

The doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 February 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Chuck Norris' belly button is ...

Chuck Norris' belly button is actually a power outlet.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (46)

A young Southern boy goes off...

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the waythrough the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money hisparents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won'tbelieve the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog OleBlue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him inthat program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get himinto the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy callshis father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believethis they've had such good results with this program that they'veimplemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get himin that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends themoney.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father willfind out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is allexcited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and readsomething!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, justbefore we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking backin the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then heturned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with thatlittle redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talksto your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2016
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (36)

Rickey Smiley: White Church

I joined a white church because white people get out on time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

You might be a redneck if 57

You might be a reneck if...

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (30)

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 January 2011
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (25)

What would you like to hear?

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to an orientation in Heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!!'"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 July 2016
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

Finally, the good-natured boss...

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."

"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith, "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 December 2009
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (39)

Walk down the river

A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

A husband and wife are sitting...

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence-
HUSBAND: "sh*t."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 December 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (30)

Black eye...

One night a man stumbled into the police station with a black eye. He claimed he had heard a noise in his back yard and went to investigate. The next he knew, he was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to his house to investigate, and he returned 1 1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 May 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

I got into a fight w...

“I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 September 2018
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

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