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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 14 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 14 January 2021

A teenage boy and his grandfat

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

The Bearded Man

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #7 - Funny Photo Slideshow

At Sunday School they were tea...

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 June 2017
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (18)

Behind the wheel...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!"

"NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 February 2015
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

It's late, the bartender and a...

It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"

The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else.

The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 January 2010
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (63)

Chuck Norris can juggle 12 bar...

Chuck Norris can juggle 12 bar stools when drunk but only 8 when sober.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 January 2012
  • Currently 2.70/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (37)

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I...

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 January 2011
  • Currently 7.94/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (34)

His favorite chocolate chip cookies....

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.

In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 January 2011
  • Currently 6.61/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (33)

Computers are like air conditi...

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 January 2012
  • Currently 7.78/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (32)

Would you like me to be your friend?

Kathy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.

One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer.

A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, "Okay, I guess so..."

"Why are you standing here all alone?" asked Kathy.

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 December 2016
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Lines

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said,
"I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines.
The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man.
God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."   

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 August 2015
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Mississippi Blues

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives?
1 Mrs. hippie...
2 Mrs. hippie...
3 Mrs. hippie...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

More Halloween 2018 jokes

What plants like Halloween the most?
Bam-BOO!

What do birds say on Halloween?
Twick or tweet

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!

Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!

What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Being her broom!

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
It raises their spirits.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Because they’re suckers.

What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him?
I can see right through you.

#joke #halloween #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 October 2018
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A Depressed Blonde Guy Walks Into A Bar

A Blonde Guy walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"

The Blonde Guy replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do.

"Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.

"What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.

The Blonde Guy, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

He stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.

A few months later the guy is back in the bar.

The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state.

Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!"

The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller than the other one!"

The guy cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the Blonde Guy comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.

"It worked, it worked!" he exclaims.

"I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

#joke #blonde #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 June 2018
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (18)

Charge By The Inch

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.

An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?"

As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."

She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 June 2012
  • Currently 6.26/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (39)

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