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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 26 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 26 January 2021

There were two elderly people

There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration', she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Rain Or Shine Test

Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jane: What’s so great about that?
Dick: It’s snowing.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #123 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man walks into the toy store

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 April 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Single,huh?

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
--------------------
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner

The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says, 'Single,huh?'

The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, 'How'd you guess?'

She says, 'Because you're ugly.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2015
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water

I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2012
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (50)

Love and Cherish till …..

A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
'Darling, how I've missed you!'
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, 'Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 January 2018
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (43)

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 January 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (42)

Leaving Dan In My Will

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2017
  • Currently 8.78/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (41)

What do blondes say

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 January 2010
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (36)

Circumcision... At Your Age?

Two men are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?" The first man says.

"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.

"Damn," exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 July 2008
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (8)

Skin canoes

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. The chief says, 'We will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes.'

The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this, he recites the Pledge and shoots himself. He is carried off. The next man asks for a sword. A warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man.

The last man asks for a fork.

'A fork? asks the chief?'

But it's his dying wish, so they hand him the fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest, and yells, 'I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 June 2017
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

If you have an opinion about my life

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 February 2016
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Timber wolf

“A timber wolf is an animal with wooden legs.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 July 2019
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

An Air Canada plane leaves...

An Air Canada plane leaves Toronto's Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seemed to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don't like Chinese.'

No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, ‘why not?' ‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'

‘No, no', the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”

Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese …doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

‘I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

‘Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

‘Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

‘What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, ‘It was an iceberg!'

‘Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, …no mattah …all fukin same.’

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2015
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Doing Nothing

Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn't finished.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 September 2017
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

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