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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 26 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 26 January 2021

There were two elderly people

There were two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration', she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Rain Or Shine Test

Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jane: What’s so great about that?
Dick: It’s snowing.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #69 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man walks into the toy store

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 April 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Single,huh?

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
--------------------
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner

The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says, 'Single,huh?'

The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, 'How'd you guess?'

She says, 'Because you're ugly.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2015
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water

I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2012
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (50)

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 January 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (42)

Love and Cherish till …..

A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
'Darling, how I've missed you!'
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, 'Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 January 2018
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (43)

Leaving Dan In My Will

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2017
  • Currently 8.78/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (41)

What do blondes say

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 January 2010
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (36)

I just finished building a car using...

I just finished building a car using a motor from a washing machine. I'm going to take it for a spin later.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 September 2018
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Things sure have changed...

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 March 2016
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

World Teachers' Day Jokes

On 5th October we appreciate our educators with World Teachers' Day! Here are some light-hearted teacher jokes:

Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.

Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with ‘I’.
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Remember you must say ‘I am’ not ‘I is’.
Student: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Q: Who’s the king of the classroom?
A: The ruler.

Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the first letter and the last.

Teacher: Why are you late for school?
Student: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does the sign have to do with you being late?
Student: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses on the first day of school?
A: She heard her classes were super bright!

Teacher: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!

Teacher: We will only have a half-day of school this morning…
Students: Yay!!!!
Teacher: Then we will have the other half this afternoon.

Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?
Student: I don’t know!
Teacher: Correct!

Teacher: What are two pronouns?
Student: Who? Me?

#worldteachersday
#joke
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

16 Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray
13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit wondering why you don't lick 'them.
14. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on them, without calling you a pervert.
15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
16. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 May 2017
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

A guy walking down a street on...

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 May 2015
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

The devil herself

A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a headstone.

“Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the devil!”

Her husband sticks out his hand. “Put it there, pal,” he says, “I’m married to your sister.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

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