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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 24 March 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 24 March 2021

Quiet Voices

The Devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.”
I whispered in the Devil’s ear, “I like your eggs.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (14)

Little Johnny learns to count...

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he says, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

Little Johnny smiles and says, "Jack."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2015
  • Currently 7.83/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (23)

SLIDESHOW #2 - Funny Photo Slideshow

"Grandma, how long have you an

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (19)

Arnold and his wife were clean

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 January 2015
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

As horny as hell

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.

She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!"

The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.

Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!".

The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?".

The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?",

The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (59)

Calling the Last Rites

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B - 4. I - 19. N - 38. G - 54. O - 72."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (50)

My husband wants me to ask you....

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 March 2016
  • Currently 7.85/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (40)

What Would Jesus Drive?

Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 March 2010
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (34)

April Fool's Day - Suggestion

Stick googly eyes on the food in your refrigerator.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (30)

A man is sitting at the bar in...

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously gulping shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! ... He is!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 October 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

You might be a redneck...

You might be a reneck if...

You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.

Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.

Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.

You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.

You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.

You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.

You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.

You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.

You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.

Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.

#joke #christmas #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 January 2012
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

DON’T YOU FRET

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.

I replied, “Is that a fret?”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 March 2018
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Fe = Iron. Male = Man

Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Fe + Male = Iron Man.
I have been having sex with Iron Man.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 December 2015
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Marriage Quotes By Men

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

#joke #lawyer #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 October 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

I have low self-esteem

I have low self-esteem; when we were in bed together, I would fantasise that I was someone else.

Richard Lewis (June 29 1947-)

Picture: Startraks Photo/REX

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 October 2015
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

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