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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 29 April 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 29 April 2021

Drum Solo

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes...
And it was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

A man was brought to a hospita

A man was brought to a hospital with heavily fractured bones. The doctor in the intensive care unit asks him, "Are you married?"
"No, I've been run over by a truck."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 February 2021
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (24)

SLIDESHOW #17 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Harmonica

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 May 2015
  • Currently 7.83/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (23)

YOU know you need a Different Lawyer ...

YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 April 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Answering Machine Message 225


(Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence. I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan. (Godzilla scream.) Oh no! Godzilla coming! Please leave name and number at gong and Chan will call back if house still here.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 April 2010
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (51)

Salvation by Annoyance

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 April 2011
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (45)

Every time a bell rings Chuck ...

Every time a bell rings Chuck Norris kills a bear.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 April 2012
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (45)

Shy guy in bar

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200 for a blowjob?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 April 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (40)

Chicken Gun

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
Defrost the chicken..
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 April 2010
  • Currently 7.58/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (40)

The magazine about c...

“The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Now that they allow...

“Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (12)

Unlucky Parachutist

A man is skydiving, enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute. So he pulls on the rip cord, but nothing happens.

“No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the rip cord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens.

Now the man begins to panic. “What am I going to do?” he thinks, “I'm a goner!”

Just then he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can't figure out where this man is coming from, or what he's doing, but he thinks to himself, “Maybe he can help me. If he can't, then I'm done for.”

When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts down, “Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?”

The other man replies, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 July 2012
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (39)

How To Tell If Your Dog Is Involved In A Sex Scandal

How To Tell If Your Dog Is Involved In A Sex Scandal
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 August 2017
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (55)

Borrowing funds for kitchenwar

Borrowing funds for kitchenware can turn you into a zombie, aka The Wokking Debt.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2016
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

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