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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 June 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 June 2021

I hate when my chili has too m

I hate when my chili has too much pepper in it. I cayenne stand it!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A husband and wife are campaig

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections - so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.
One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature."
The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."
The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.
After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature. "
The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #60 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Cougar With No Hearing

What happens when a cougar loses their hearing?
They become a Def Leppard!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Polar Bear

2 polarbers are walking around in the artic. a father and son pair. The son looks at the father and says, " Dad i got a question, are u sure I am 100% polarbear?". The father looks at his son and says, "Yes son your 100% polar bear"

"OK" the son says

They keep walking and about 20 min later the son again says: "Are you sure I am 100% polarbear?" The father again says, "Yes son you're 100% polar bear"

"OK" the son says

Then about 30 min later the son says, "OK dad be serious are you sure I am 100% polarbear are You sure there is no blackbear or grizzly bar in me??" "Yes son your 100% polarbear, I am 100% polarbear and so is your monther. Why do u keep asking son?" The son says, "Well I dont know about u but I am freezing"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 July 2015
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

There were three little boys v...

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that.I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please...Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak, we get to go to Disney World!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 June 2015
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Hari Kondabolu: Arizona Anti-Immigration Laws

Its this anti-immigration legislation that theyre trying to push, where they would allow police officers to racially profile undocumented immigrants, especially people in the Mexican community. I think thats horrendous. But what amazes me is that people support this law. I was watching the news, this woman in Arizona, looking at a camera, straight faced, she says, Hey, were just trying to bring the country back to the way it used to be. The way it used to be? Lady, youre in Arizona. It used to be Mexico.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 June 2011
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (58)

Wayne

An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the council worker.

"10" replies the blonde girl.

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.

"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 June 2010
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (54)

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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (53)

Two men went bear hunting. Whi...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 June 2010
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (41)

Bill Engvall: Creepy Old Man Status Achieved At 50

I love being fifty. Fifty is a very cool age. But it does come with some responsibilities. Like fifty-year-old guys cant go out with really young girls anymore. Up to fifty, you can. But once you hit fifty, you become that creepy old guy. And weve all done it. You see some old guy with some young girl, you dont sit there and go Aw, that is so sweet. This is what everybody in this room says: Money or drugs, thats all Im saying. Money or drugs.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 June 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (38)

When I die

'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.'

Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)

Picture: Rex Features

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 January 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

There is this taxi driver in N...

There is this taxi driver in New York City, and it is nearing the end of his shift but he decides that he will pick up one more person before he turns in for the night. So he stops and pulls over and a nun gets in the car. She tells him where to go and they start off. It is a long drive and the driver keeps looking at the nun through the rear view mirror of his cab.
Now, the nun is getting very upset by this and says, "Um...can I help you??!!"
The taxi driver looks very embarrassed and says, "I'm sorry, it's very embarrassing, I cannot say."
And the nun looks at him and says, "Now, my son, I have been in this business far too long to be disturbed by anything you have to say, so go ahead."
The driver thinks for a minute and says, "Ok, well, for as long as I can remember, I have had the biggest fantasy about kissing a nun."
She looks amused at first then replies, "Well, I think I can help you with that, but first you must promise me two things, the first is that you are a Catholic, the second is that you are single. If you can promise this, I shall give you what you ask for."
And the driver says, "Great!! Sure I'm a single Catholic!!"
So they pull into an alley and the nun crawls into the front seat of the cab and gives the driver an amazing kiss. Porn stars would be envious of this kiss. And they finish up and get back on the road.
Soon the taxi driver starts looking nervous and peering at the nun in the rear view mirror again. Just staring at her, and when the nun asks him why he is staring and he says, "Well, I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you. You see, I'm not a catholic, and I'm also married."
The nun smiles and says, "Well, I haven't been honest with you either...My name is Kevin, and I'm going to a Halloween party."
#joke #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2016
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Bubba and Bobby Joe

Bubba and Bobby Joe rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. Bubba said to Bobby Joe,

“Mark this here spot so that we can come back right here again tomorrow.”

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the Bubba asked Bobby Joe, “Bobby Joe, did you mark that there spot like ah tole ya?”

His friend replied, “Shore nuff, I put a big ole ‘X' on the bottom of the boat.”

“You stupid fool! Now, what we gonna do if we don't get that same boat today?!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Who gets the present?

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 March 2015
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (24)

An Air Canada plane leaves...

An Air Canada plane leaves Toronto's Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seemed to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don't like Chinese.'

No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, ‘why not?' ‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'

‘No, no', the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”

Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese …doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

‘I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.

‘Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

‘Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.

‘What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, ‘It was an iceberg!'

‘Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, …no mattah …all fukin same.’

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2015
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

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