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Jokes of the day for Monday, 04 October 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 04 October 2021

85 Years Old

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

DSC09521

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”

#joke
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (23)

The Cat Phenomenon

When single ladies near the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats...
This phenomenon is known as many-paws.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

SLIDESHOW #76 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Fresh out of business school,

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (20)

What's the emoji for con

What's the emoji for constipation? A: Colon, full-stop.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 December 2015
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

The Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, 'take a left when you enter the trailer park.'

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is 'Gus' from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is 'an apple a day.'

5. Your 'primary care physician' is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. 'Patient responsible for 200% of out-of- network charges' is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn't come in different colors with little 'M''s on them.

And The Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO...

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2015
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Diagnosis Explained

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.
The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 October 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (67)

Two guys were riding in a car,...

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 October 2010
  • Currently 6.49/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (45)

Exchange

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?

Exchange him.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 October 2011
  • Currently 3.39/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (36)

Preventive medicine belief

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

Doctor: Oh, really?

Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 October 2010
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (30)

Patient: Doctor, I have a litt

Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head, and he's cursing all the time!
Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you $1000.
Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said?
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 October 2016
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (28)

Wedding a Virgin

A man longs to wed a maiden with her virtue intact. He searches for one but resigns himself to the fact that every female over the age of 10 in his town has been at it.

Finally he decides to take matters in hand and adopts a baby girl from the orphanage. He raises her until she is walking and talking and then sends her away to a monastery for safekeeping until marrying age. After many years she finally reaches maturity and he retrieves her from the monastery and marries her.

After the wedding they make their way back to his house and into the bedroom where they both prepare themselves for the consummation. They lie down together in his bed and he reaches over for a jar of petroleum jelly.

"Why the jelly," she asks him?

"So I do not hurt your most delicate parts during the act of lovemaking," he replies.

"Well why don't you just spit on your cock like the monks did?!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 September 2014
  • Currently 5.28/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (43)

What's the difference between ...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
- You can chop beef, but you can't pea soup!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 April 2009
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Jack has died. His lawyer is s...

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads Jack's last will and testament:
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 July 2016
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Bean soup

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 June 2009
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Being rude is easy

Being rude is easy. It does not take any effort and is a sign of weakness and insecurity. Kindness shows great self-discipline and strong self-esteem. Being kind is not always easy when dealing with rude people. Kindness is a sign of a person who has done a lot of personal work and has come to a great self-understanding and wisdom. Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time because kindness is a sign of STRENGTH.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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