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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 20 October 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 20 October 2021

The Wash Its

While getting ready for school, our parents would always ask if we washed our "its"....
That's our zits, pits, and private bits.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Whale Breach

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."   

#joke
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

SLIDESHOW #45 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Missing Palm Sunday

On Palm Sunday, a five-year-old boy had a sore throat and stayed home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked them what they were.“People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father told him.“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go and Jesus shows up.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 June 2021
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Fast Car?

This man had just bought a brand new Ferrari F-50 and he was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a moped stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the man if he could take a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said

"oh, around 175-200. Want to see?"

Of course the boy nodded and waited for the light to turn green. When the light changed, the man took off at a very high rate of speed. As he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and then flew right past him.

"no! it couldnt be the boy on the moped could it?" He asked to himself.

Then the light came flying back and went way behind him. The guy then realized that it indeed WAS the boy on the moped!

Then the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to let the boy catch up so that he could find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and said..

"Would you mind taking my suspenders off your rear view mirror?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 November 2015
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Kleptomaniac amputees take a l...

Kleptomaniac amputees take a lot of faux toes.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2011
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Viagra/Gore

What's the difference between Viagra and Al Gore.....Viagra

really works !

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2009
  • Currently 4.07/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (56)

Weeping Willows are a result o...

Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 2.87/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (47)

True or false?

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 6.05/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (38)

Ponderings Collection 34


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (33)

Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear

My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 3.24/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (29)

The avid golfer

Bill, an avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a Golf Course in Heaven. The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to Bill in a few days.

After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium. "Well," said Bill, "what did ya find out?"

"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.

"OK," "what's the good news" Bill exclaimed.

"Well," there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium.

"And the bad news?" asked Bill.

"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 September 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Here's Your Phone

After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."
"What makes you think its mine?" the ref asked.
"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls!"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

But officer...

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 April 2017
  • Currently 8.42/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (43)

MONDAY...

KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MONDAYS?
- NOTHING!!!
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 August 2015
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

I'll dance on your grave

The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’'

Les Dawson (1931-1993)

Picture: Stephen Shepherd

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 January 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

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