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Jokes of the day for Monday, 08 November 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 08 November 2021

My friend in Nairobi is awesom

My friend in Nairobi is awesome; he's like a Wonder of the World. We call him the Grand Kenyan.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Fifteen minutes after the Tita

Fifteen minutes after the Titanic sank, Mick and Patrick find themselves on the same overturned lifeboat. The water is freezing, sharks are cruising by, and the boat is slowly sinking.
"Oh, well" said Mick, "It could have been worse".
"Worse? How could it be worse?" screamed Patrick.
"Well, we could have bought return tickets!"
#joke #animal #shark
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Giving Up Smoking

I went to the doctor to see if he can help me to stop smoking .
He suggested that every time I felt like smoking I should reach for a chocolate bar.
It didn't work, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the chocolate bar to light.

#joke #short #doctor #food #chocolate
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Relatives....

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

#joke #animal #pig #mule
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 November 2015
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

What does the starship enterpr...

What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 November 2009
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (66)

A man realized he needed to pu...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 November 2016
  • Currently 8.91/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (54)

Hari Kondabolu: Where Are You From?

Hes like, Hey, man, where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And then hes like, No, I mean where are you really from? Which, for those of you who dont know, thats code for, No, I mean, why arent you white?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 November 2010
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (53)

The original title for Star Wa...

The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 November 2011
  • Currently 2.81/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (47)

Stung by a bee

A woman taking golf lessons had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee. Distraught, she went back into the clubhouse and told her golf teacher about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

He shook his head and said: "That's your problem right there. You had your feet too far apart!"

#joke #animal #bee #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 October 2013
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

Louisiana Highway Department e...

Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talkedwith an old farmer. The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspectyour farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card andsaid, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anywhere I want.See this card? I will go wherever I wish.'
So the old farmer went about his chores.It wasn't too much later when the farmer heard loud screams and yelling.
He looked over and saw several Highway Department employees running fortheir lives and right behind was the farmer's huge prize bull. The bull was madder than a hornet's nest and was gaining on the Highway employees at every step.
The old farmer yelled out, 'Show him your card, Smart *ss.... Show himyour card!!
#joke #animal #bull
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 December 2016
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

The Sentence

A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense.

There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them; "The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."
#joke #short #animal #cow
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 January 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Sitting on the edge of the hig...

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, Iwasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"
"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."
"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route142" ...
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2015
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (28)

Wish Comes True

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 January 2015
  • Currently 7.90/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (41)

Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."

#joke #monday #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 August 2015
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

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