Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Sunday, 16 January 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 16 January 2022

A Shirt for Her Husband

While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit PERFECTLY around his neck."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Special gift

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." 

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. 

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. 

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. 

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." 

diamond engagement rings

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (24)

A man goes to the doctor after

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well.
"Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works.
After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.
The husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed.
He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!"
#joke #doctor #food #dinner #honey #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

And God created woman...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.

He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said "What can I get for just a rib?"

....The rest is history

#joke #animal #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 February 2016
  • Currently 5.19/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (16)

Don't ask me about bridg

Don't ask me about bridges! It's like the spannish inquisition.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 December 2014
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Husband for sale

A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

“You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 January 2015
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (45)

Tony Rock: Alcohol Is a Drug

I love alcohol, man. Some people call alcohol a drug, too. Some people say that, Alcohols a drug. Not me, I call it a vitamin. Cause whatever your deficiency is, alcohol will treat it.
#joke #short #drinks #alcohol
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2012
  • Currently 4.47/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (43)

Masturbation Contest

Who's the world's greatest athlete? The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

#joke #short #sport #athlete
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2012
  • Currently 3.28/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (39)

My mind is gone

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2016
  • Currently 8.11/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (36)

Bush meets Moses

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.

The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2010
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (33)

Pete Holmes: Privacy Is Uncool

I think the government made Facebook in an attempt to make privacy uncool. Think about that. I think thats true cause they dont have to tap our phones or survey us when we just yield to them everything, just on our own free will. Home address? Its a little weird, OK. Phone number? Call me. Photos? Photos of everyone I know? Here, let me tag those for you.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 January 2011
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (28)

A Golfer's Deal With the Devil

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, "I would give anything for a birdie on this hole." A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, "If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot."The golfer said "OK." He made the shot for birdie.A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. "Please, let me make this for eagle" he said.Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, "If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.""You're on," the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said "If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.""OK," the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, "I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, "Nice to meet you, my name is Father O'Malley!"
#joke #sport #golfer #father
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (30)

The Doctor said...

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."

Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."

Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."

Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."

The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E."

Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.

As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."

The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."

Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

The tailor shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 August 2017
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (81)

Fondue jokes

What's the reason you don't hear a lot of fondue jokes?
Most of the time, they're excessively cheesy.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Chuck Norris can divide by zer...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 December 2011
  • Currently 3.32/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (44)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.