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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 January 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 January 2022

Seven days to live

Doctor: "I've got some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is you only have a week to live."

Patient: "What could be worse news than that?"

Doctor Walter Mnkwema of ALMC Hospital in Arusha shows the health management system that he works with

Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you for the last 6 days."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

The Word of God

The condemned man was waiting for his execution, when the priest arrived.
"My son, I came to bring the word of God to you."
"No thanks, Father. I'm going to talk to Him in a little while, personally. Any message?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

SLIDESHOW #33 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Name two of Santa's reindeer...

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points!

"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."

The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question.

"Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"

"You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2016
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Clown colleges are usually bui...

Clown colleges are usually built in the Bozo-Arts architectural style.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

Your Wife Just Fell Out

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 January 2017
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (72)

Little Johnny is taking a show...

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!"

His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 January 2009
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (67)

Christmas Present

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 January 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (66)

A man went to his lawyer and t...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 January 2017
  • Currently 8.59/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (61)

I Want To Buy A Golf Ball

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 January 2010
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (42)

Barber shop

President George Bush and President Barack Obama ended up at the barbershop at the same time.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had President Bush in his chair reached for the aftershave. President Bush was quick to stop him, saying: “No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to President Obama and said: “How about you, Mr. President?

Obama replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 November 2014
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

So Much Debt

I have so much debt...
I can start a government.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Saskatchewan has huge methane...

Saskatchewan has huge methane reserves – it must be one of the flatus places on Earth.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 December 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Politicians are like sperm ...

Politicians are like sperm ... One in a million turns out to be Human!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 September 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

More Parent Texting

More Parent Texting
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 November 2017
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Mom, mom how was I solve a...

- Mom, mom how was I solve a Rubik's cube in 10 seconds, and the other kids need a lot more time?
- Because you are a colorblind.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 October 2017
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

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