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Jokes of the day for Friday, 11 March 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 11 March 2022

He Makes Straight A's

“He’s great on the court,” a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in an interview with his coach, “but how’s his scholastic work?”
“Why, he makes straight A’s,” replied the coach.
“Wonderful!” said the sportswriter.
“Yes,” agreed the coach, “but his B’s are a little crooked.”

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

A funeral service is being hel...

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 December 2021
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (25)

SLIDESHOW #47 - Funny Photo Slideshow

If pork bellies trade on the N

If pork bellies trade on the NASDAQ exchange, do pork scrotums trade on the NADSAQ?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 January 2020
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

An elderly married couple...

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband's examination, the doctor then said to him, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly wife, the doctor said to her, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old buzzard!" she replied.

"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

#joke #doctor #december
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 March 2016
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Define embarrassment

Q. What's the definition of embarrassment?

A. Running into a wall with a hard-on and breaking your nose.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 November 2014
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

A Rare Book

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 March 2009
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (53)

Nuns on the Highway

A cop pulls over a car full of nuns. The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”
Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The copy says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”
“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
But then the copy glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear. He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”
Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 March 2010
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (42)

One morning the phone rang at ...

One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 March 2009
  • Currently 4.76/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (34)

Mike Vecchione: Private Detective School

I went online to become a private detective. It was a private detective school online, and I paid online. But then I never heard from them again. I thought to myself, I either got ripped off or this is my first case.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 March 2012
  • Currently 6.94/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (33)

Demetri Martin: Stutter

One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think thats a bad thing, but to me thats just like starting certain words with a drum roll. Thats not an impediment, thats suspense.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 March 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (32)

Ponderings Collection 30

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 January 2019
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Magic Window

Two guys are sitting at a bar.

"You know why I love this bar?" asks the first one.

"No," says the second guy. "Why do you love this bar?"

The first guy points at the window, which is six stories above the ground. "It has a magic window," he says. "You jump out of that window, and you can fly."

The second guy just shakes his head. "Shut up."

"No," says the first guy. "It really is a magic window. I'll prove it to you."

So the first guy gets down from his bar stool, runs at the window, jumps out of it, and flies. He flies around the building twice, up and down, and finally comes back in. He walks to his barstool, and takes a sip of his drink. "See?" he says.

The first guy looks confused. He looks at his drink. "I must be drunk," he says.

"Still don't believe me?" asks the second guy. "I'll show you again." He gets down from his stool, runs and jumps out of the window again. This time he performs some impressive aerial acrobatics, spins, flips, dives. When he finally comes back in, the second guy is staring at him, slack-jawed.

"Wow," says the second guy. "A magic window." He gets off his barstool, takes a running jump out of the window, and promptly plummets to his death. The first guy starts laughing.

The bartender comes over to the first guy with a stern look on his face. "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 July 2012
  • Currently 4.46/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (46)

@DemetriMartin thinks tree houses are messed up. http://on.cc.com/1yivZ0N

A treehouse is really insensitive!

That is like killing something and then making one of his friends hold it.

http://on.cc.com/1yivZ0N

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 January 2015
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Laura Kightlinger: Christmas Sadness

My grandmother, she passed away at Christmas time. So now, I have this built in sadness, you know, every holiday. Cause Im plagued with the thought of, you know, what she would have given me. What didnt I get to open this year?
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 December 2011
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (53)

Tom Papa: Guy in a Speedo

The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 January 2012
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (30)

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