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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 16 March 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 16 March 2022

Dromedary 

Dromedary – camel that gets annoyed when you milk it.
#joke #short #animal #camel #drinks #milk
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Confident and confidential

Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" 

Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Competitive Salary

ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?
BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

The rich aunt was disappointed

The rich aunt was disappointed and said to her nephew, "I'm sorry you don't like your gift. I asked you if you preferred a large check or a small check."
"I know, Auntie," the nephew said contritely, "but I didn't know you were talking about neckties."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 September 2021
  • Currently 2.72/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (18)

The high price of romance!

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along.

Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat.

A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts:

"Dad, if you think your getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, there's a Shriner's convention going past."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 April 2016
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Not tonight, Adam

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?"
The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who then took Eve by the hand and led her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you, Lord. That was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "What is 'caress'?"
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss!"
And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"
So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 March 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (51)

 Mexican Genie

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie.
The Mexican is stunned.
The Genie says,"Hello Master,I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila." Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila."
The Genie grants him his wish.
When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear...looks like tequila. Then smells the liquid...smells like tequila. So he takes a taste, and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.
The Mexican yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly!"
She comes running down the hall, and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is tequila.
Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and partied all night.
The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent, and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.
Finally, Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?"
Pancho raises the glass and says, "BECAUSE TONIGHT, MI AMOR, YOU DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE."
ARRIBA!!!!!!! ARRIBA!!!!!!!!
#joke #friday #drinks #tequila
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 March 2019
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (50)

Kurt Metzger: Liposuction

I saw liposuction. You ever see how they do that? Its, like, violent. They get the hose -- it looks like theyre mad at how fat you are.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 March 2010
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (43)

Greg Giraldo: High Self-Esteem

If everyone grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 March 2011
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (43)

A man was walking in the stree...

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 March 2010
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (41)

Kyle Kinane: Always a Miracle

Im in my 30s; everybodys having kids or miracles. Oh, its a miracle. Its always a miracle. Im like, You had sex, right? Yeah? Then no, thats exactly whats supposed to happen from that. I spend all my time preventing miracles; that is whats happening. I call it a miracle when the girl doesnt get pregnant. Thats when I start getting spiritual.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 June 2012
  • Currently 4.15/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (62)

A male ostrich was chasing two...

A male ostrich was chasing two female ostriches. The one female said to the other, "He's starting to gain on us, we better hide!" So, they stopped and stuck their heads in the sand.
The male ostrich said, "...Hey, where'd they go?"
#joke #short #animal #ostrich
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2015
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Question time....

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....

"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 April 2017
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

Writing letters to son

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 June 2011
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (42)

Women are just as hungry as me

Women are just as hungry as men, according to fAminist theory.
#joke #short #food #hungry
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

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