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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 24 March 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 24 March 2022

Our favourite movie? L

Our favourite movie? Lethal Web Pun.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

The Truth About Pets

What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?
A cat.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #44 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Two English butchers, who hate

Two English butchers, who hated each other, were doing business across the street from each other for ten years. For the full ten years they always competed for the other's business.
One butcher would put up a sign reading, "Sirloin: £2.50 a pound" and the other would put up a sign "Sirloin: £2 a pound." The first would put up a sign reading, "Whole pork loin: £1.85 a pound" and the second would, again, under-price him.
This went on for the full ten years; back and forth, back and forth. One day the first butcher got a bright idea. Instead of advertising his prices he placed a professionally painted sign reading, "The Queen buys all her meats here."
The next day another professionally painted sign appeared in the window of the butcher shop across the street which read, "God save the Queen."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 September 2021
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (18)

Dead?

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the damn wall!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 April 2016
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Barber shop

President George Bush and President Barack Obama ended up at the barbershop at the same time.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had President Bush in his chair reached for the aftershave. President Bush was quick to stop him, saying: “No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to President Obama and said: “How about you, Mr. President?

Obama replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 November 2014
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

As horny as hell

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.

She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!"

The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.

Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!".

The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?".

The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?",

The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (59)

Calling the Last Rites

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd but finds no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to the dying man. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B - 4. I - 19. N - 38. G - 54. O - 72."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (50)

My husband wants me to ask you....

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 March 2016
  • Currently 7.85/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (40)

What Would Jesus Drive?

Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 March 2010
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (34)

April Fool's Day - Suggestion

Stick googly eyes on the food in your refrigerator.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 March 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (30)

Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a...

Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"

Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?"

Bridegroom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?"

Bride: "MY mother? I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 January 2010
  • Currently 6.86/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (7)

Did you hear about the dumb at...

Did you hear about the dumb athlete who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (14)

Mike Birbiglia: Sex and Pizza

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When its good, its good. When its bad, you get it on your shirt.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 March 2010
  • Currently 2.96/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (45)

Google's pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza (Pizza Hut)?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.

- So it's a wrong number? Sorry
- No sir, Google bought it (Google bought Pizza Hut).

- OK. Take my order please
- Well sir, you want the usual?

- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage, thick crust.

- OK! This is it ...
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?

- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

- How do you know?
- We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

- Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine ...
-Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.

- I bought more from another drugstore.
- It's not showing on your credit card statement

- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement

- I have have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.

-WHAT THE HELL?
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.

- Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me

- I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 May 2017
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (288)

When someone says to me great minds think alike

When someone says to me great minds think alike, i just look at them and think “You dirty bastard”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 June 2016
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

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