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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 02 April 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 02 April 2022

What do

What do you say after making a video-game joke?

“No pun Nintendo'd!”
#joke #short
What do">Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

It's Expensive

Think the price of gas is expensive?
Have you seen the price of chimneys?
They are going through the roof!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.94/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (16)

There was a loser who couldn'

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why...Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2016
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

And a day was born...

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 April 2016
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (18)

Need to be dismissed

A man who was chosen for jury duty really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied: "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 December 2014
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Adam Ferrara: Easter Lesson

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that dont know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
#joke #short #animal #rabbit #food #egg
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (55)

When I got the bill ...

“When I got the bill for the engine rebuild, I blew a gasket!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 April 2013
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (50)

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

#joke #animal #cat #dog #mouse #mice #food #meal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 April 2009
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (48)

One afternoon a man came home ...

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"
#joke #animal #dog #food #breakfast
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (40)

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."
9. You look really, really good in yellow.
8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
From EasterHumor.com

#joke #friday #animal #bunny #food #egg #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (38)

Of all my books, my...

“Of all my books, my favorite is the one I received last Christmas. There is no tome like the present.”

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 January 2017
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Dane Cook: In the Year 3000

In the year 3000, everything will be instant... but the DMV will still take, like, nine f**king seconds.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (48)

Who Should Make the Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."
#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

Software Development Cycles

Software Development Cycles
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 September 2016
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Say It With Flowers

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 July 2017
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (23)

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