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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 05 May 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 05 May 2022

A New Teller

First man: "I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller."
Second man: "I thought they just hired a new teller last week."
First man: "Right, that's the one they're looking for."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 October 2019
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Signs you're in college

-You rarely have $5 in your pocket.

-A grilled cheese sandwich is a major food group to you.

-You have little or no idea what you want to do with your life.

-There is drool damage in two or more of your textbooks.

-Your body starts going through withdrawal, when you go more than two days w/o pizza.

-Your computer costs more and runs better than your car.

-Your history prof asks 'Who was General Lee?' and you answer, 'The car from The Dukes of Hazzard.'

-You're on a first name basis w/ the MasterCard and Visa debt collectors.

#joke #food #sandwich #cheese #pizza
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2016
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A gang of robbers broke into a...

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"
#joke #lawyer #animal #lion
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 October 2015
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

The devil herself

A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a headstone.

“Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the devil!”

Her husband sticks out his hand. “Put it there, pal,” he says, “I’m married to your sister.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2015
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

The largest rear end I ever sa...

The largest rear end I ever saw was an ass tonne ishing sight.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (12)

Chuck Norris' pulse is measure...

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2011
  • Currently 2.74/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (57)

Computer Movers

Dick and Dirk are employed in a computer hardware store as movers.

One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Dick being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Dirk is struggling very hard to lift his computer.

At this Dick says, "What Dirk, my comp has 500 MB HardDisk and yours has just 250, even then you cannot lift it ???"

At this Dirk thinks for a while and replies, "Thats right, but my HardDisk is full and yours is empty"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 May 2010
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (49)

I Own The Fastest Car

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!
The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.
Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!
WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2011
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (45)

Praying for a Parking Space

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.”
#joke #drinks #wine
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 May 2015
  • Currently 8.16/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (37)

Adam Strays

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 May 2012
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (33)

Testicle Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and   watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a   foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of   the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his   groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in   agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began   to apologise. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical   Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,  she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right.  I'll be fine in a  few minutes,' the man replied. He was in  obvious agony, lying in the  fetal position, still clasping his  hands there at his groin. At her  persistence, however, he  finally allowed her to help. She gently  took his hands away  and laid them to the side, loosened his pants  and put her  hands inside..

She administered tender  and artful massage  for several long moments and asked, 'How does  that  feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's  broken!

#joke #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 July 2021
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

What's the OS of gamblers?

What's the OS of gamblers?
- Windows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 August 2015
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Internet Dating

Honesty on the internet

You're model?

I am chippendales dancer

I also race speedboats.

What is your sign?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 October 2018
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Dream job

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?"

The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

The HR Person replied, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 November 2011
  • Currently 7.51/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (35)

A boy had reached four without...

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."
#joke #fruit #lemon #drinks #juice #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 March 2015
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

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