Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 July 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 July 2022 |
Church Bulletin Bloopers: Choirs and Hymns
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
The “Over 60s Choir” will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which fell upon her.
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why.”
A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
On Wednesday, the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the Pastor.
We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."
A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle... "Let's God Mangle Fall on Me."
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Today's Sermon: “How Much Can a Man Drink?” With hymns from a full choir.
A girl was visiting her friend
A girl was visiting her friend, who had just acquired two new dogs, and she asked what their names were.The friend responded by saying one was named Rolex and other one was named Timex.
The girl remarked, "Whoever heard of naming your dog something like that?"
"Hellooooo...," answered the friend. "They're watch dogs!"
Friends with an Undertaker
An undertaker can be one of your best friends...
He'll be the last one to let you down.
I'm tired of maintaining
I'm tired of maintaining a state of hypervigilance. You might say ambushed.Moth inspector
A man walks in his room after work and is suprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
'Who the hell are you?' he yells.
The naked guy replies 'I'm the moth inspector'
'Oh yeah! what are you doing naked?'
He looks down and exclaims 'Oh my god! I'm too late!'
Lumberyard
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1999. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
Porn movies
Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Price Check on Tampax
When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that oneof her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when
the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the
store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."
As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the
store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb
or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Cat Jokes 03
Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!
Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: 'Claws.'
Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
A: A stri-ped!
Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!
Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!
Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
Q: What is lion's favorite food?
A: Baked beings!
Bill Hicks: Confusing L.A. Weather
L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, Rained all day, didnt help the drought. Back to you, Tom. I got news for you, folks. If water doesnt solve your drought, youre screwed. 
There Was Just A Dog Fight
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?" "Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
Paper beats rock, rock beats s...
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.