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Jokes of the day for Friday, 07 October 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 07 October 2022

Divorce Is Strong

Therapist: "So why do you want to end your marriage?"
Wife: "I hate the constant star wars puns."
Husband: "Divorce is strong with this one!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

Dicaprio looks stupid in ro

Dicaprio looks stupid in Leotards.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 July 2017
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

A golf challenge

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

#joke #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 October 2016
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

Old Goat

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner.
While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"    

#joke #animal #goat #food #dinner #meal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 July 2015
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Dirty Paddy

An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband. 'Paddy! Paddy!' she yelled.

Paddy came running in. 'Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor,' she said.

'Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. 'You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus.'

Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.

'Nope, I can't do it,' Shamus said, 'Let's try plan C.'

'Plan C?' exclaimed Paddy. 'What's that?'

'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.'

'Oh okay,' Paddy said. 'While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits.'

'Play with her tits?' Shamus said. 'Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.'

Paddy replied, 'Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 October 2010
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (50)

Pete Holmes: Uncool in Dreams

I cant seal the deal in my dreams. I hit on women in real life and theyre like, In your dreams. Im like, No. Not even there.
#joke #short #animal #seal
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2011
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (48)

Carl was talking to a girl in

Carl was talking to a girl in a New York City bar. He asked, "Can I get you a drink?"
The girl replied, "Certainly."
Carl then asked, "What would you like?"
The girl said, "Champagne."
Carl then asked, "Why Champagne?"
The girl replied, "Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully, with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth."
Curious, Carl asked her, "What if I just buy you a draft beer?"
The girl replied, "I'll cut wet farts all night."
#joke #fruit #grapes #drinks #champagne #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 October 2017
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (41)

Have faith...

A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.

"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 October 2008
  • Currently 6.21/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (38)

Why did the blonde t

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2011
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (31)

April Fool's Day - Suggestion

Cover onions in caramel.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 January 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Christmas Eve Accident

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 December 2014
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A woman calls her boss one mor...

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
he says,"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
she replies,"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 May 2018
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

What type of sandals do fro...

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!
#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 January 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

What a Coincidence

Q: What did the bartender say when a priest, a Boy Scout, and a blonde walked in?

A: "Is this a joke?"

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 November 2014
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (8)

One evening a father overheard...

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
#joke #food #lunch #dinner #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2016
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

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