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Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 October 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 October 2022

It takes a certain typ

It takes a certain type to commit infonticide.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 March 2020
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

All I Want for Christmas

Bobbie to neighbor: “What are you getting your children for Christmas?”
Neighbor: “Well, if my husband doesn’t stop staying out until three in the morning, I’ll give them a new dad.”

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 October 2019
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (18)

SLIDESHOW #105 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What goes through a cat's mind

Monday - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little danglingobjects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Tuesday - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving aroundtheir feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this atthe top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

Wednesday - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

Thursday - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......

Friday - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called 'shampoo.' What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Saturday - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call 'beer.' More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of 'allergies.' Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Sunday - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

#joke #friday #monday #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 November 2016
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (24)

Hair Spray

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 July 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

When Chuck Norris watches a po...

When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.28/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (46)

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 October 2009
  • Currently 4.12/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (42)

Hardware Store

Yo mamma is like a hardware store 10 cents a screw!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (42)

Rich Vos: Best Relationship Ever

The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

Waiting

Jim was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.

"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"

"I'm waiting," Jon said.

"Waiting for what?" asked Jim.

"Waiting to catch her with a smaller man."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 October 2017
  • Currently 8.61/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (23)

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 September 2010
  • Currently 7.93/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (46)

Who said English is easy?

Who said English is easy? Fill this blank with “Yes” or “No”.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 November 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (65)

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed. It has been difficult but I have learned so much from it. I have learned that people can hurt you so deeply and not even worry about you. I learned that good people can change in a minute when their hearts have been broken. I've met great people, but mean people as well. But the most important thing I have learned is that every person in this world is strong enough to let go . People come and go and that’s life ! The most important thing is to stand up and realize that you deserve something better than a person that gives up on you.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 February 2016
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Russ Meneve: Unprovoked Shark Attacks

There were 79 unprovoked shark attacks last year. Unprovoked -- do we need that word in there? Are there people provoking shark attacks? Is there some dick from Jersey in the water: Hey shark, you freakin lookin at me? You got a problem or somethin? I got somethin for you to bite right here!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 August 2011
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (39)

Not speaking...

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."

An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 September 2014
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (12)

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