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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 18 October 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 18 October 2022

Sausage Factory

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!"

He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages."

The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"

The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."    

#joke #animal #pig
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Haunted trees

The trees are haunted in Eritrea.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Favorite Tea

What is a web developer's favourite tea?
URL Grey.

#joke #short #drinks #tea
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 October 2019
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Trouble hearing....

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor.....says. "Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"

Doctor says "Lets check this out." Looks into the man's ear with his flash light and says, "There's a foreign object in here." Takes his tweezers and pulls it out.......Doc says to the old man, "It's a suppository!!"

The old man takes a look, asks the Doc, "Can I use your phone?? Need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 November 2016
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Chuck Norris does not beg to d...

Chuck Norris does not beg to differ. Differ begs to Chuck Norris.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2011
  • Currently 2.64/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (53)

Little Nancy was in the garden...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."
#joke #animal #cat #goldfish
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2016
  • Currently 8.35/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (52)

Second Honeymoon

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

#joke #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 October 2011
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (44)

Jessi Klein: You Look A Lot Like...

This co-worker of mine, who I dont know well at all, comes up to me and goes, Hey Jessi, I dont know if anyones ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank. I didnt really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, Was Anne Frank hot?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 October 2010
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (40)

I think I'm shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 October 2017
  • Currently 8.53/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (34)

Thinking about the future

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 January 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Brenda O'Malley is home makin...

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
#joke #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 November 2016
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Three drunks hailed a taxi...

Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here. The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch. So what was that for, he asked. Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 June 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Success

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 October 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Perv in the Lingerie Store

Q: Why did the perv go into Victoria's Secret?

A: The panties were half off.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 May 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Bar Ladder

Q: Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
A: She heard drinks were on the house.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 October 2014
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (10)

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