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Jokes of the day for Friday, 21 October 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 21 October 2022

Do Pat and Rhain ever hang out

Do Pat and Rhain ever hang out in Starbucks?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Italian Cologne?

Currently wearing some old spice...
It was oregano, I found it in the pantry.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

We work by results

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 November 2016
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (17)

Curtain Rod

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The house was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.
While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely.
Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.
Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move.
The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home ... including the curtain rods.    

#joke #drinks #chardonnay
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 August 2015
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

A lawyer walks into a bar and ...

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.

"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose," the drunk replied.

#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (65)

Beware of dog

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

#joke #animal #dog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2016
  • Currently 9.02/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (51)

Free advice at social affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2011
  • Currently 5.37/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (41)

There were two guys working fo...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 8.15/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (34)

Damon Wayans: Bicycle Cop

I got pulled over by a bicycle cop in L.A. -- not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop. And Im in my car, and he gets out -- hes sweating, hes got these little shorts on. You know how fast you were going? Yeah, a lot faster than that bike.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2011
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (33)

Walk on water

Joe heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Joe and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.

When Joe and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Joe stepped off of the side of the boat... and damn near drowned.

Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home.

When Joe arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"

The feeble old grandmother took Joe by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January... you were born in July, dear."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 December 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Gilbert Gottfried: Spoke to the Animals

A traveling salesman goes to a farm house. The farmer goes, I could put you up for one night, but youll have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes in, he goes, Were you comfortable? He goes, I had a great time; I talked to all the animals. He goes, You talked to the animals? He goes, Yeah I spoke to the chickens, they say you collect the eggs every morning exactly at five minutes after six. He goes, Thats exactly right. He says, The horse tells me his name is Otis, youve owned him for 10 years. He goes, Thats incredible. And he goes, I spoke to the cow, the cow says that her name is Elsie and you milk her every morning at exactly 8:30. And then I spoke to the sheep. And the farmer goes, Those sheep are lying.
#joke #animal #horse #sheep #cow #chicken #food #egg #drinks #milk
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 October 2010
  • Currently 7.81/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (43)

After spending a night at a ho...

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.

"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."

"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."

"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 January 2010
  • Currently 7.23/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (13)

The Parisian Belle And The Midwestern Salesman

The owner and head of sales of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in Paris on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn’t understand a word the other spoke.
He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.
Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.
After dinner, he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several night-clubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.
It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was utterly amazed and took her home. To this very day, he still doesn’t know how she guessed that he was a furniture salesman!

#joke #food #dinner #drinks #champagne
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 December 2017
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Tooth Decay

I use an extra sensitive toothpaste...
It doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Getting tough

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

#joke #food #potato
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 October 2017
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

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