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Jokes of the day for Friday, 18 November 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 18 November 2022

Some South Americans visited I

Some South Americans visited Italy, and the country's beauty made them cry. I think they were Venice wailin'.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

The Forgetful Actor

An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play. All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!"
Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!" The time for the entrance finally came. As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM! He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 November 2020
  • Currently 2.38/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (16)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Chinese Jews

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant."Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?""I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?""I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews.""Are you sure?" Al asked."I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews.""Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.""Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 September 2018
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

I believe...

A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.

As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 December 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Seal at the mechanic

A penguin takes his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he's waiting, he goes into a cool ice cream shop and eats ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he gets the ice cream all over himself. He's goes back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was wrong with his car.

"Well," says the mechanic, "it looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin replies, "It's just ice cream, I swear!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 September 2015
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michae...

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.r>r> This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. r>r> Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: r>r> "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 November 2009
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (61)

Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories

Why dont women have crazy men stories? I dont really hear them. And then I realized, its because if you got a crazy boyfriend, youre going to die. Just something about men, the second they realize theyre crazy, its like, Time to kill everything I love.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 November 2011
  • Currently 3.51/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (47)

The End Is Near!

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 November 2009
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (43)

Donald Glover: Gold Star Power

When you get called the n-word, as a black person you can do anything. Its like getting a gold star in Super Mario Brothers and junk. I hear the music when I hear the n-word. I get right into it; I get really into it. You can do anything. You could be in a fancy restaurant -- just start throwing poop at the walls. People be like, What are you doing? Someone called him the n-word.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 November 2010
  • Currently 2.17/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (41)

First Thing to do after Jail

Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

She responded simply, "E.F."

He repeated, "F.F."

She again replied, "E.F."

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 November 2011
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (41)

A blonde with two red ears wen...

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2016
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

A little boy sits on Santa's

A little boy sits on Santa's lap.
Santa says, "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S."
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 December 2014
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet in year 2000 When ...

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When... 
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. 
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. 
· All of your friends have an @ in their names. 
· Your dog has its own home page. 
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem. 
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. 
· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher." 
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg. 
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 December 2014
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Eugene Mirman: Kids Say the Darnedest Things

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 September 2012
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (33)

The photographer for a nationa...

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. 
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. 
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. 
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." 
"Why?" asked the pilot. 
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. 
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" 
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 February 2012
  • Currently 7.24/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

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