Jokes of the day for Saturday, 10 December 2022
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 10 December 2022
The Pastor's WifeGladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
Young Actor: "Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years."
Father: "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."
Netflix: TheNetflix: The latest craze among fishermen.
Walk on water
Joe heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.
So, on his 21st birthday, Joe and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.
When Joe and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Joe stepped off of the side of the boat... and damn near drowned.
Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home.
When Joe arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"
The feeble old grandmother took Joe by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January... you were born in July, dear."
A man phones home from his off...A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.
A week later, the man returns and his wife asks, "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't...I put them in your tackle box.
Playing the Game
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.
An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears.
"Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here."
"Calm down. How long have you been like this?"
Delusions of obesity?Delusions of obesity?
You might be a hippochondriac.
Finally, A Good Trump Joke
Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!'
This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?'
Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'
A woman is meeting with her sh...A woman is meeting with her shrink. She confides the following problem.
"I have a dilemma. I am about to get married, but I haven't been totally honest with my fiancé. My father is a convict. My mother is a Devil worshipper. My brother is in an asylum and I'm wanted in three states for embezzlement. Taking all that into consideration, this is my question: How do I tell my family that my fiancé is a lawyer?"
Kanye think o...Kanye think of anything worse than a train wreck?
- Kim Car Crashian
Husband for sale
A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
“You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”
So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
“That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.”
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Bad Pop Rocks
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before.
Cassie bought each one a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" replied the curious brother
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."