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Jokes of the day for Monday, 09 January 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 09 January 2023

Riding Sky High

Life is like a helicopter.
I don't know how to operate a helicopter.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

What Do You Get When ...

What do you get when you cross a Buddhist and a Druid? Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #17 - Funny Photo Slideshow

I'm inspired by Spring w

I'm inspired by Spring weather. It can be quite thaw-provoking.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 March 2017
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Drunk in court

A drunk man was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunk immediately responded, "Thank you, your Honor, I'll have a Scotch and soda."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2017
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

A blonde was hard up for money...

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. "Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 January 2010
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (75)

A family took their frail, eld...

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her,hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her,fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 January 2016
  • Currently 8.27/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (60)

The Pope vs. Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.
The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 January 2011
  • Currently 8.35/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (34)

The Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The

interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can

you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts

carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before

replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries

another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you

tell us your height, please?'

The young lady stands up

and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then

traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top

of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five

foot two!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer

goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our

records, your name please?'

The blonde bobs her head

from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing

something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so

he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your

counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the

measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you

doing when we asked you your name?'

'Ohh that!',

replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy

birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 January 2014
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (35)

Pun-Dead

Making fun of dead people is a grave mistake!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 January 2014
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (25)

A boy asks his dad...

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 November 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Missing Puzzle Piece

My friend is losing his mind over missing a piece of his 5000 piece puzzle.
If he thinks thats bad, I'm missing 4999 pieces.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 December 2022
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

@kirkfox won't save you

I USED TO THINK THAT I COULD BE A HERO.

I USED TO WANT TO,BUT AS I'VE GOTTEN OLDER,

I'VE REALIZED THERE'S LESS AND LESS PEOPLE

THAT I WANT TO SAVE.

@kirkfox won't save you. http://on.cc.com/1HeB2l4

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 31 December 2014
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A thin girl

I met a beautiful girl last night, but she was rather thin. I mean this is a skinny girl. You never saw anybody so thin. She turned sideways you didn’t see her. I took her to a restaurant and the maître'd said to me, 'Can I check your umbrella?'

Mel Brooks (June 28 1926-)

Picture: Kim Kulish / AFP

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 October 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

What do you call whe...

“What do you call when only one twin survives during pregnancy? Survival of the fetus.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 March 2018
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 December 2016
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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