Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 15 February 2023
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 15 February 2023
I was in a liquor store and the owner asked me, "Do you need help?"
I replied, "Yes, but I’ll have a bottle of whisky instead."
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter.
She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning.
Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special.
When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard.
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like, is to sing my favorite song, the whole thing, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
To win at intramural prison soTo win at intramural prison softball your team needs to jail at the right time.
A guy goes into a drugstore to...A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4."
He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells,
The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
The kid embarrassedly says, "I've never done this before. I don't know what size."
The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells,
"Clean up in aisle 4!"
During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theater, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:
"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"
Greatest Comedian in the Bible
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
There was once a man who lived...There was once a man who lived in a poor country. He went to law school and became a very intelligent person. Years later, he decided to go back to his country to show them how worthy he is. He started his own office. The next day, he saw a man walking into his office. He picked up the phone and gestered the man to come in and pretended he was talking to very famous people and cancelling meetings with presidents, etc. After he put down the phone several minutes later, he apologized to the man and said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. As you can see, I'm a very busy man. What can I do for you?" The man smiled and said, "I'm from the telephone company. I'm here to hook up you phone."
Getting to Heaven from the Post OfficeA preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office. After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.” “I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
Dentistry At It's Best
Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands inside someone's mouth?
Dentist: I prefer to think of it as having my hands inside their wallet.
Q: What's the definition of mi...Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Why can't you trust...
“Why can't you trust Satan's resume?
- The devil lies in the details.”
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the night." We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out after that. And I have a feeling that I'm going to get lucky, so you better give me the 12 pack. The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist."