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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 28 February 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 28 February 2023

Is Water a threat to global se

Is Water a threat to global security? A: No, but Ice IS
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

Get My Broker

Seeing his shares plummet on a black morning during the recession, the boss called to his secretary, “Get my broker, Miss Wilks!”
”Certainly, sir. Stock or pawn?”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 June 2019
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

SLIDESHOW #40 - Funny Photo Slideshow

It's raining out there!

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope..just when it's raining.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 March 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

Two prisoners are talking abou...

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:

George: 'I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years'

Herman: 'Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days'

George: 'WHAT!? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days!?'

Herman: 'Yeah, it was a lawyer.'
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 February 2010
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (53)

Apple Does It Again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about
men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 February 2010
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (49)

Popular Sayings, modified by the Internet

- Home is where you hang your @

- The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

- A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

- You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

- Great groups from little icons grow.

- Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

- C: is the root of all directories.

- Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

- Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

- The modem is the message.

- Too many clicks spoil the browse.

- The geek shall inherit the earth.

- A chat has nine lives.

- Don't byte off more than you can view.

- Fax is stranger than fiction.

- What boots up must come down.

- Windows will never cease.

- In Gates we trust.

- Virtual reality is its own reward.

- Modulation in all things.

- A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

- There's no place like http://www.home.com

- Know what to expect before you connect.

- Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.

- Speed thrills.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 February 2012
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (36)

Where did The Blood Come From?

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 November 2013
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

Golfing with ...

Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day. They come to a difficult par with a water trap just after the tee. The first golfer proceeds to hit his ball right into the water. To retrieve it, he simply approaches the body of water and extends his golf club. The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on the green. The second golfer hits his ball towards the water, but rather than sink, the ball floats on top of the water. The golfer nonchalantly walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

The third golfer hits his the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to sink. As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth. At that very moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft. As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then drops the fish into a nearby tree. When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the ball pops out, rolls down the trunk of the tree, across the green and right into the hole...

Moses turns to Jesus and says "You know, I hate golfing with your Father."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 July 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

When the dictator of North Kor...

When the dictator of North Korea had a sex change, he also changed his name: Kim Un Hung.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 November 2016
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Absolute Rest

"Madam, your husband must have absolute rest."
"Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me."
"A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 July 2021
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

Chuck Norris has the greatest ...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 November 2011
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (48)

Proudly showing off his new ap...

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup" replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.
"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "You friggin' IDIOT!...it's ten past three in the morning!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 November 2014
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

17 Yoga jokes for International Yoga Day

Jun the 21st is International Yoga Day! Celebrate it with few Yoga jokes!

1. I recently took up yoga, and the instructor asked me how flexible I am…
I said: I can only do Fridays.

2. I'm trying to write this pun about yoga.
But it's just not working out. It just seems a stretch.

3. What does the yoga teacher want for their birthday?
All they want is your presence.

4. Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?
The omless shelter.

5. Why is the pear so good at yoga?
He's got a great core.

6. What did the yogi tell his dog?
Nama, stay!

7. What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?
Nothing. They'll find themself.

8. What's a pirate's least favorite yoga move?
The plank pose.

9. What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.

10. I did an amazing yoga pose over this stream created from acidic rainfall yesterday.
I think it's called a bridge over troubled water . . .

11. Why is it easy to make an appointment with a yoga teacher?
They're just so flexible.

12. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys.
It's called "peace of ass".

13. Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
It came with too many attachments.

14. What happens if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
You get charged with premeditated murder.

15. Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability

16. Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic at the dentist?
He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!

17. I got chucked out of yoga class yesterday.
Apparently, I misinterpreted the Half-Moon Pose.

#joke #YogaDay #InternationalYogaDay #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

English lessons

A missionary suddenly realizes that the one thing he hasn't yet taught the natives he serves is how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the jungle.

He points to a tree and says to the chief: "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the missionary points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."

The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of the natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. Flustered, the missionary quickly says to the chief: "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the preoccupied couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The missionary goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other.

"How could you kill these people in cold blood that way?" he demands.

"My bike," the chief replies.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 November 2014
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

A husband and wife came for co...

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the the rapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."
#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 April 2018
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

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