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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 02 April 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 02 April 2023

Someone stole your deodorant?

Someone stole your deodorant? You've been reek rolled!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Distance to the Sun

How far is it from the Earth to the Sun?
10 CVS receipts.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #38 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Banging

My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.
.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland

#joke
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Top Ten Conservative Catholic Pickup Lines

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle? 9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we're having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?8. Sorry, but I couldn't help notice how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.7. What's a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?6. You don't like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!5. Let's get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.3. You've got stunning scapular-brown eyes.2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?1. Confess here often?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 November 2022
  • Currently 1.76/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (17)

The wedding ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 April 2017
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (23)

Adam Ferrara: Easter Lesson

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that dont know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (50)

When I got the bill ...

“When I got the bill for the engine rebuild, I blew a gasket!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 April 2013
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (48)

Feline Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 April 2009
  • Currently 6.87/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (46)

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."
9. You look really, really good in yellow.
8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
From EasterHumor.com

#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (37)

One afternoon a man came home ...

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 April 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (36)

An Unusual Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself

through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two

vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their

owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his

income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,

"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,

you get your dog back!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (45)

Thanksgiving Jokes

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside, of course.
Q: Why did the turkey get in trouble at school?
A: He was cornu-copying.
Q: What smells the best during Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
#joke #short #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 November 2015
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

One Sunday a pastor told the c...

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 March 2015
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (51)

Irritated with everything

Irritated with everything: Have you ever been in one of those moods where you don't really know what's wrong but you feel irritated with everyone and everything?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 October 2016
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Cough Syrup

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 April 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

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