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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 25 May 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 25 May 2023

Becoming an expert

Becoming an expert nipple-tweaker is a trial-and-areola process.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Happy Thursday with fresh new jokes

As a child, I was forced to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.

Where does a horse go when it gets sick?
To the horse-pital

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet
It's a good thing I'm married.

I asked my wife, "Do you think the cup is half full or half empty?"
She said, "Please for the love of God, could you stop wearing my bras!"

I answered the door this morning.
A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat twat...
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round

What a day! The police came around and accused me of stealing my neighbours underwear...
I nearly shit her pants!

#joke #policeman #animal #dog #horse
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Private Grief

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2021
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

You've Given Me A Gift

At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."
Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

#joke #short #wedding #bride
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 May 2021
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Hot Horseradish

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
#joke #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 May 2018
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Mom, what's sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 June 2017
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (21)

Shane Mauss: Freak Accident

I went to a Six Flags. Theres this new ride there; I had to wait in line for, like, four hours to get on this thing. Finally got on it, it was fine enough. But then I see a couple of weeks later in the news, this girl goes on the exact same ride and, in some freak accident, her legs got lopped off at the knees. I was like, What a terrible thing to happen to all of those people waiting in line.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 May 2010
  • Currently 2.42/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (65)

If, by some incredible space-t...

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 May 2011
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (55)

Planning WWIII

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 May 2010
  • Currently 7.38/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (45)

Mid Semester Final Exam

One night Jack Evans, along with his 3 university friends went out drinkinig till late night, as many college students are prone to do, and didn't study for their test, which, of course, was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

They went up to the dean and explained that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst. They continued to explain how they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

The dean, being a compassionate human being said that they could take the test after 3 days. The students graciously replied that they'd be ready by that time.

On the third day, they appeared before the dean. The dean explained that since this was a special test all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the duration of the exam.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 points:

MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION

INSTRUCTIONS : All questions are required. Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.

Q.1. Write down your name. ----- (2 POINTS) Q.2. Write the name of the bride and groom at the wedding you attended. ----- (30 POINTS) Q.3. What type of a car were you driving? ------(20 POINTS) Q.4. Which tire burst? ------- (28 POINTS) Q.5. Who was driving? ------ (20 POINTS)

#joke #wedding #bride
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 May 2009
  • Currently 6.05/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (38)

Brendon Walsh: Badge

The last job I had, I had to wear this badge around my neck all day -- like, a laminated badge. Its like a backstage pass to the crappiest concert ever invented.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 May 2012
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (32)

Cowboy in Church

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd still feed him."So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 April 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Doing Nothing

Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn't finished.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 September 2017
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

A blonde goes to a soda machin...

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 October 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

A man who was having heart tro...

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a lawyer. It's never been used."
#joke #doctor #lawyer #food #steak #sport #swimming
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 June 2016
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

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