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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 27 May 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 27 May 2023

My great-grandmother who hated

My great-grandmother who hated flying was a trailblazer in aviation complaints. She was the first suffer a jet.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Not Talking To Me

Me to the postman: This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte.
Postman: Now why would she send you an empty envelope?
Me: We had an argument, and she's not talking to me..

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 May 2020
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

I Don't Speak Dog

A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. He names the dog Einstein and trains Einstein to do a couple of tricks. He can't wait to show Einstein off to his neighbor. A few weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Einstein into the house, bragging about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!"Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey ... And you think it's easy eating that junk that you call designer dog food? Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. It's disgusting I tell you!"The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks. You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa talking to us." "I know, I know," says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I said kvetch."
#joke #animal #dog #food #eating
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 May 2018
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Know Your Priorities....

A farmer was munching on a cookie, as he watches the rooster chase a hen around.

Playfully, the farmer throws a piece of cookie to the ground. Seeing it, the rooster stops chasing the hen and runs to the piece of cookie.

The farmer shakes his head slowly and says, "Gosh, I hope I never get THAT hungry."

#joke #animal #rooster #food #hungry
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 June 2017
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (15)

Amy Schumer: Worst Part About Drinking

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When Im drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
#joke #short #food #barbeque
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (58)

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (54)

What does two plus two equal?

A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?"

The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2016
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (51)

Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 5.64/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (45)

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."

#joke #sport #tennis
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (45)

What type of sandals do fro...

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!
#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 January 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

What Will The Neighbors Think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
#joke #short #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 December 2013
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (44)

Yo mamma so stupid her passwor...

Yo mamma so stupid her password needed 8 characters, so she typed "Snow White and the 7 dwarfs."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 October 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

A woman goes to Spain to atten...

A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "A Spanish girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
"So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - a Spanish girl!!"
"Oh, that," she said "Well, I did what I could; now we'll have to wait for a few months to see if it is a boy or a girl!"
#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 November 2017
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Living will

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a "Living Will"

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 April 2015
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (18)

Two sisters, one blonde and on...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, "It’s just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?"
The brunette explains, "My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very slow."
#joke #blonde #animal #bull
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2015
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (18)

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