Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 14 May 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 14 May 2024

Getting John to Quit

John was a loyal choir member, but he could not carry a tune. To make things worse, he sang loud and made others sing off key. Without success, the choir director had tried to discourage John from participating in the choir. The choir director asked the pastor's help in getting John out of the choir. The pastor agreed to try. The pastor tried to find tasks and responsibilities that would interfere with John's attendance at choir rehearsal or keep him out of the choir loft on Sunday morning. John, however, would not accept any of the tasks or responsibilities, stating that he would not shirk his duties as a loyal choir member. Finally, the choir director gave the pastor an ultimatum, "Either you find a way to get John out of the choir or I will resign as choir director."So, with much uneasiness, the pastor called upon John at home one evening and said, "John, I must ask you to drop out of the choir." John was shocked and asked, "Why would you ask such a thing? We need all the singers we can get." The pastor replied, "Well, John, people are complaining about your singing." "How many?" was John's response. Not wanting to be too harsh and admit that nearly everyone in the congregation had been complaining, the pastor said, "I've received more than a dozen complaints." "I'm sorry, pastor, that's not enough. I've heard a lot more complaints about your preaching and you haven't quit yet."-
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 August 2022
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

Where You Going?

A very small boy was trying to lead a big St. Bernard up the road.
"Where are you taking that dog, little man?" asked a man watching the struggle.
"I"m going to see where he wants to go," was the breathless reply.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2020
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (15)

Better write it down

My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, "Hey Ma, I'm gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?"

"Yeah, Pa, but you'd better write it down or you'll forget", says Grandma.

Grandpa replies, "I won't forget." "Alright then", says Grandma, "I'd like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine.

You'd better write that down, Pa you're gonna forget it." Disgruntled, Grandpa storms off to the kitchen mumbling that he wouldn't forget.

Well he's in there a long time, and when he finally does return, he has the best lookin' plate of scrambled eggs you ever saw. He smiles his best smile and leans over to give it to Grandma.

She just smiles back and says, "I told you that you'd better write it down, you old coot, you forgot my bacon!!!"...

#joke #fruit #cherry #food #egg #bacon
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 June 2015
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

God Takes a Vacation

"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected. "Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 6.54/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (54)

Jeff Dunham: How Women Age

Jeff Dunham: Walter, your wife is a lovely woman.
Walter: Shes getting old.
Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine wine.
Walter: Shes aging like milk.
#joke #short #drinks #milk #wine
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (54)

As the plane was flying low ov...

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"


"Just snow," replied the stewardess.


"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 May 2014
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (52)

Jeff Dunham: Coffee as a Sex-Enhancer?

Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life. Jeff Dunham: Oh, and is it? Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!
#joke #short #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 May 2010
  • Currently 5.28/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

How Fast Was I Going?


"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 May 2011
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (41)

The Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

8 Funny jokes to make Monday more bearable

Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, walked into a pub and crossed a road…
My whole life has become a joke!

I got hit in the head with a can of Coke today.
Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink.

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me.
I am really concerned after I found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities.

I thought it was a real question when the teacher asked me if I knew any words that had all the vowels in order
Turned out it was facetious.

I tried to rob a bank by blowing up the safe.
.hings were going well but there was just one problem.
I bought some cheap dynamite that was advertized as
"The inexpensive explosives that won't break the bank."

A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner and when it came time to pay
The skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck. So they put it on the duck's bill

I recently paid $1 for a wig.
It was a small price toupee.

I used to date a girl who loved to be covered in cheese…
She was a cracker!

#joke #monday #animal #deer #food #dinner #drinks #coke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 October 2023
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

Belated Guardian Angel

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you.
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The voice shouted, Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die.
The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
Where are you? the man asked. Who are you?
I am your guardian angel, the voice answered.
Oh yeah? the man asked. Where the hell were you when I got married last week?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 December 2009
  • Currently 7.29/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (7)

Three old men were sitting aro...

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (66)

Men don't care what's on TV

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)

Picture: REX FEATURES

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 February 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A man and his wife were drivin

A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
#joke #food #hungry
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 December 2014
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Fall in love

They say the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again. So i fell in love with myself. Best relationship in. my life.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 March 2016
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.