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Jokes of the day for Friday, 13 December 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 13 December 2024

And Scene

"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Microsoft and a lightbulb

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb ?

None - Bill Gates just declares darkness the new standard!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2016
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Two blondes, Carol and Patt...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said,"You dummy, it's me!

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 December 2009
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (59)

Scientifically speaking, it is...

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 December 2011
  • Currently 2.39/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (56)

Police Quotes

“The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.”

“So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid.”

“No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

“Just how big were those two beers?

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 December 2011
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (48)

A father is explaining ethics

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business...
"Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?
#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 December 2019
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (33)

School Prayer Solution

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 October 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A father and son are out shopp

A father and son are out shopping for Christmas presents for their family.

The son asks, "What present are my sister and I going to get?"

The dad answers, "I got you guys an iPad and iPod."

"Wow, thanks," the son replies, "What will you give mom?"

The dad says, "Your mom is getting an iRon."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 December 2015
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A man and a woman were asleep...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, groggy and bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap! That must be my husband!"
So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"
The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 July 2015
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Don’t let anyone ever break your soul

Don’t let anyone ever break your soul. You have to stand on your own two feet and stand up for yourself. There are those that would give anything to see you fail, but you must never give them the satisfaction. Hold your head up high, smile and stand your own ground.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 March 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Crazy people don't know they are crazy

Crazy people don't know they are crazy, I know i'm crazy therefore i'm not crazy. Isn't that crazy.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 July 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Conway Twitty, Is That Really You?

A young pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself.
She said, “I can't believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.”
He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”
He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.
At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”
The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 January 2010
  • Currently 6.74/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (39)

A pastor's wife was expecting...

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."
Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,
"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
The entire said, "Amen."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 March 2018
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Getting Revenge With Marriage

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 January 2019
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

What type of sandals do fro...

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!
#joke #short #animal #frog
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 January 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

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