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Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 December 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 December 2024

Don't Do It

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. "Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!"
His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 December 2019
  • Currently 8.98/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (40)

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 January 2016
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

A little boy asked his teacher...

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 December 2009
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (67)

Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale

I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 December 2010
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (47)

A wife went to the police stat...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 December 2016
  • Currently 8.69/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (45)

Don't Do It

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. "Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!"
His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 December 2019
  • Currently 8.98/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (40)

In 3030 years

In exactly 3030 years, there’s a chance things could be really good, and there’s a chance things could be really bad.

I guess it will be 5050.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 April 2020
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

A game of baseball

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

#joke #sport #baseball
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 May 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

The football coach walked into...

The football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
#joke #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 January 2017
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

A young boy walks into a barbe...

A young boy walks into a barber shop, and the barber leans in and says to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch and see."

The barber then places a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, calling the boy over and asking, "Which one do you want, kid?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"See what I mean?" the barber says. "He never learns!"

Later, as the customer is leaving, he notices the same boy coming out of an ice cream parlor. "Hey, kid! Can I ask you something? Why did you pick the quarters over the dollar bill?"

The boy, enjoying his ice cream, replies, "Because if I took the dollar, the game would be over!"

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 September 2024
  • Currently 9.67/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (15)

Confused baby ant

Why was the baby ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were ants.

Found on https://www.flashcardmachine.com/jokes1.html , posted on May 17th 2007

#joke #short #animal #ant
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 August 2019
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

Two fish in tank...

Two fish in tank, one turns to the other and ask, "Do you know how to drive this thinh?"
#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 December 2015
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Soft Hands

Q. What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails so long and beautiful?
A. Nothing, nothing at all.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2015
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (17)

Passing a Mental Exam

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

#joke #doctor #sport #swimming #diving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 November 2021
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (18)

Two men in one night

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

Sarah Silverman (December 2 1970-)

Picture: Reuters

#joke #short #december #food #dinner
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2015
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

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