Jokes of the day for Friday, 23 May 2025
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 23 May 2025 |
Enter a Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process. She told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N.... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
A New Typeface
I’m working on a new typeface to be used for church bulletins...
I call it 'Baptismal Font.'
The Old Lawyer
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."
What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned.
"Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."
Chuck Norris, who had grown ti...
Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.Anger versus Exasperation
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”
The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.
“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”
The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.
“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means.”
He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”
The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”
Patton Oswalt: Romantic Comedies
Every romantic comedy should just be called, Trying to F**k.Wanna Dance?
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
A man got really drunk one nig...
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...." Eggs
A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"
Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."
The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."
Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."
The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?
"No," she says.
The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."
Myq Kaplan: New Game Show
I have a new idea for a game show for people who are high, and its called Can You Remember What You Just Saw? Thats actually the bonus round. Round one is Can You Describe Whats in Front of You Right Now? OK, you got it? Were going to take it away. What was it? We will not accept awesome. On Your Marks
Two n*dists were discussing politics.
One says, “Have you read Marx?”
The other nods, “It’s these blasted wicker chairs."
I hate it when people
I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?”, and i'm like : “No, not at all, we shit in the yard .” 
The annoying crow
The annoying crow who wouldn't shut up lost its job. Why?Well, there was just caws.
