Jokes of the day https://jokesoftheday.net/ Jokes of the day - collection - daily dose of jokes en rss@jokesoftheday.net Copyright 2008 Winking Problem https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Winking-Problem/2026080440 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Winking-Problem/2026080440 A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will NOT have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"


"Oh," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"         



#joke

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 04 Aug 2026 12:00:00 In Love https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-In-Love/2026072840 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-In-Love/2026072840 The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."


"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"    



#joke

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 28 Jul 2026 11:58:20 Catsup https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Catsup/2026070540 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Catsup/2026070540 Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old Johnny to answer the phone.
Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. "Mommy, It's the minister," he said to his mother.
From the kitchen Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back."

Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."      



#joke #mother #mom

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Sun, 05 Jul 2026 11:56:40 Hospital Trolley https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Hospital-Trolley/2026042140 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Hospital-Trolley/2026042140 A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"


The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."    



#joke

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 21 Apr 2026 11:55:00 I Don't Have Time https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-I-Don-39-t-Have-Time/2025110721 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-I-Don-39-t-Have-Time/2025110721 My 5 year old daughter drew a nice picture of a princess and beautiful flowers and sunshine.
Then she brought the picture to her daddy and said, "Daddy, this is a picture of you and me, but I don't have time to draw you."



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Fri, 07 Nov 2025 11:53:20 Archaeologist Husbands https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Archaeologist-Husbands/2025102721 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Archaeologist-Husbands/2025102721 An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have...
The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 27 Oct 2025 11:51:40 Children For Sale https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Children-For-Sale/2025102121 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Children-For-Sale/2025102121 After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I’d had enough.
“I think I’m going to sell them,” I hissed to my sister.
“You’re crazy,” she said.
“For thinking of selling them?”
“For thinking someone would buy them.”



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 21 Oct 2025 11:50:00 After I Win the Lottery https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-After-I-Win-the-Lottery/2025102021 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-After-I-Win-the-Lottery/2025102021 Two old men are sitting on a bench. A truck passes on the road. It is pulling a trailer loaded with turf. One of the men says, "See, that's what I will do when I win the lottery."
"What?" asks the other one confused.
"I will send my grass away for cutting!"



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 20 Oct 2025 11:48:20 A Clean Getaway https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-A-Clean-Getaway/2025101321 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-A-Clean-Getaway/2025101321 Little Johnny's mother is making lunch when Johnny comes in from playing outside, covered in dirt.
"Johnny, you need to clean up for dinner," his mother says, looking at his left hand. "I've never seen a hand so filthy."
"Then you haven't seen this one," Johnny replies, holding up his right hand.



#joke #food #lunch #dinner #mother

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 13 Oct 2025 11:46:40 Keeping Score in Golf https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Keeping-Score-in-Golf/2025100321 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Keeping-Score-in-Golf/2025100321 My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him. "How much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five," answered Felix.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."



#joke #short #sport #golf

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Fri, 03 Oct 2025 11:45:00 Supporting A Family https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Supporting-A-Family/2025092921 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Supporting-A-Family/2025092921 The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girlfriend's father, "Son, can you support a family?"
"Well, no, sir," he replied, caught off-guard by the question. "Your daughter and I were thinking we'd just have to support ourselves, the rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."



#joke #father

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 29 Sep 2025 11:43:20 Half-A-Day Of School https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Half-A-Day-Of-School/2025081121 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Half-A-Day-Of-School/2025081121 Teacher: "Children, there will be only a half-day of school this morning."
Johnny (in back seat): "Whoopee! Hurray!"
Teacher: "Silence. We'll have the other half this afternoon."



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 11 Aug 2025 11:41:40 Spent Youth https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Spent-Youth/2025080821 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Spent-Youth/2025080821 Told my daughter at 20 to get a job or sleep in the garage...
20 years later she has done wonders with the garage!



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Fri, 08 Aug 2025 11:40:00 Bathroom Door https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Bathroom-Door/2025080721 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Bathroom-Door/2025080721 Danny, caught off-guard, yells at his roommate, "Dude! Why are you taking a bath with the bathroom door open?"
His roommate David replies, "I'm making sure no one is looking at me through keyhole."



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Thu, 07 Aug 2025 11:38:20 The Pain of Childbirth https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-The-Pain-of-Childbirth/2025080421 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-The-Pain-of-Childbirth/2025080421 A mom and her children watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. One fascinated child asked, "Mom, does that hurt?"
"Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries.
"Wow," said the kid. "Does it hurt the mother, too?"



#joke #short #mother #mom

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 04 Aug 2025 11:36:40 Saving Money https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Saving-Money/2025080121 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Saving-Money/2025080121 "Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?"
"Five bucks, sir."
"And how much for my suitcase?"
"No charge for the suitcase, sir."
"Okay. Take the case and I'll walk."



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Fri, 01 Aug 2025 11:35:00 The Food Search Diet https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-The-Food-Search-Diet/2025072921 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-The-Food-Search-Diet/2025072921 I do not believe in diets. The closest I've been to a diet is erasing the food searches from my browser history.



#joke #short #food

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 29 Jul 2025 11:33:20 Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Oh-Brother-Where-Art-Thou-/2025072821 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Oh-Brother-Where-Art-Thou-/2025072821 Did anyone hear about George Clooney's new genealogical website?
It's called, "Oh, Brother Where Art Thou."



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 28 Jul 2025 11:31:40 Newborn Camel https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Newborn-Camel/2025070821 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Newborn-Camel/2025070821 A baby camel was born at the zoo last week and the poor thing had no hump...
So they named him Humphrey.



#joke #short #animal #camel

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Tue, 08 Jul 2025 11:30:00 Over The Hill https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Over-The-Hill/2025070721 https://jokesoftheday.net/joke-Over-The-Hill/2025070721 1. You know you're over the hill when you are arranging your hair instead of combing it.
2. You know you're over the hill when your idea of a good workout is standing up.
3. You know you're over the hill when you start picking your teeth out of the popcorn.



#joke #short

Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ]]> Mon, 07 Jul 2025 11:28:20