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Really funny jokes-Principles of Household Physics
10 Principles of Household Physics
You will observe that the principles of household physics are as true as every other principle in the universe. See the below examples:
1. A kid's enthusiasm to help in any project varies in inverse proportion to the capability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always inflate to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly cleaned window gathers dust and dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is required.
5. The same mess that will fill a one-car garage will also fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a war.
7. The possibility of impending doom is in direct proportion to the number of remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors not closed varies inversely with the weather and outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any water heater equals one and one-half kids showers.
10. If two kids are put in a room full of toys, they will both want to play with the same toy.
You will observe that the principles of household physics are as true as every other principle in the universe. See the below examples:
1. A kid's enthusiasm to help in any project varies in inverse proportion to the capability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always inflate to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly cleaned window gathers dust and dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is required.
5. The same mess that will fill a one-car garage will also fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a war.
7. The possibility of impending doom is in direct proportion to the number of remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors not closed varies inversely with the weather and outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any water heater equals one and one-half kids showers.
10. If two kids are put in a room full of toys, they will both want to play with the same toy.
#joke
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney buh-lo'-nee: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette burn'-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize bur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.
Control kon-trol': A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse i-klips': what an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes hee'-rhos: what a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank left' bangk': what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty mis'-tee: How golfers create divots.
Paradox par'-u-doks: two physicians.
Parasites par'-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: a helper on the farm.
Polarize po'-lur-ize: what penguins in Antarctica see.
Primate pri'-mat: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief ree-leef': what trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck rub'-er-nek: what you do to relax your wife.
Seamstress seem'-stres: describes 200 pounds in a size two.
Selfish sel'-fish: what the owner of a seafood store does.
Subdued sub-dood': a guy, that works on one of those submarines.
Sudafed sood'-a-fed: bringing litigation against a government official
Crab -- It's too much work. T
Crab -- It's too much work. They're like the pistachio of seafood. And there's that nasty part of the crab you're not supposed to eat. I think it's' called "all of it."#joke #short
When Mozart passed away, ...
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
#joke
Answering Machine Message 108
Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP
#joke #short
“A high rise condo ca
“A high rise condo can be uplifting or disappointing on so many levels. Then again, a bungalow can also be a little flat.”
#joke #short
Eye doctor
Sandra visited an Ophthalmologist for her eye check up.
The doctor asked her to read some letters with her left eye while asking her to keep the right eye covered.
Sandra was so confused on which eye was which that the frustrated eye doctor took a paper bag, made a hole in it, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
The doctor asked her to read some letters with her left eye while asking her to keep the right eye covered.
Sandra was so confused on which eye was which that the frustrated eye doctor took a paper bag, made a hole in it, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
He saw that Sandra had tears in her eyes.
"Hey," said the Ophthalmologist, "there's no need to get sentimental about getting glasses."
"Its not that," said Sandra, "Well, I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
"Hey," said the Ophthalmologist, "there's no need to get sentimental about getting glasses."
"Its not that," said Sandra, "Well, I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
#joke #doctor
For centuries, the only way to
For centuries, the only way to get a chiseled rear end, was to become ass tone mason.#joke #short
Douche
Have you heard about the new types of douche on the market?There is aloe vera scented, peach flavor, and chicken flavor.
The aloe vera is to tighten it up for the penis.
The peach is sweeter for the eater.
And the chicken is finger lickin' good.
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Tantilazing
Reniewed by Calamjo
Our Madagascar jokes are getti
Our Madagascar jokes are getting lemur and lemur.#joke #short
Cannibal jokes...
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'That reminds me of the cannibal that passed his friend in the woods.....
When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten.......
What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast.....
Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture? Eatin' Allen's......
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts......
What do cannibals make out of politicians? Baloney sandwiches......
Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? Dinner costs an arm and a leg......
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.......
Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.......
One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like...........
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, 'Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.' The 2nd replies, 'So, try the potatoes.'
In 1945, Adolf Hitler was real...
In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.#joke #short #chuck-norris
A man walking down the street ...
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
#joke
Funny jokes-Lies of a Graduate student
Top 10 Lies Told By A Graduate Student
1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.
2. My job prospects look really good.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/article.
10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.
2. My job prospects look really good.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/article.
10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
#joke
There is a Monkey in the Bar #humor #joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player.
The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer."
The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
