Mother jokesJokes about mothers. These are the jokes listed 1 to 15. |
A Clean Getaway
Little Johnny's mother is making lunch when Johnny comes in from playing outside, covered in dirt.
"Johnny, you need to clean up for dinner," his mother says, looking at his left hand. "I've never seen a hand so filthy."
"Then you haven't seen this one," Johnny replies, holding up his right hand.
International Dance Day Jokes: Celebrate on April 29th With Some Serious Dancefloor Laughs
April 29th is International Dance Day—time to move your feet and your funny bone! Celebrate with these dance jokes that have better rhythm than most of us on a Friday night
I started taking salsa dancing lessons but just don’t feel like I’m progressing...
It’s one step forwards, two steps back.
I have decided to give up tap dancing; it's too dangerous.
I fell off and twisted my ankle in the sink.
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Check some older International Dance Day Jokes
How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
5678
Why do dancers say 5, 6, 7, 8?
Because the musicians already took 1, 2, 3, 4.
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – breakdancing, moonwalking, backflips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...
“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”
I had a fish that could breakdance on the floor...
But only for like 30 seconds... and only once.
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
The Boogieman!
Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.
What is a pretzel's favorite dance?
The Twist.
I told my mother-in-law that I would dance on her grave when she died.
Just to spite me, she got buried at sea.
What do you call a log that can dance?
A logarithm.
Drunk
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was sweet!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad,... you're drunk!"
Sally's Report Card
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."