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The best jokes (1 to 15)

The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 1 to 15. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily.

Going To A Nude Beach

My friend bought a bus pass to a nude beach.
It turned out to be a ticket to no wear.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.78/10

Rating: 9.8/10 (23)

At The Bar

I was sitting at a bar with a friend the other night when he casually pointed across the bar from us and said, "see those two old drunks sitting there... that's going to be us in ten years."

I looked and him and said, "that's a mirror stupid!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.76/10

Rating: 9.8/10 (21)

A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah

A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.74/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (19)

It's Probably Okay, Dad

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's probably okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us just did the same thing."

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.74/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (19)

Paying For His Mistake

A husband and wife had a big argument. Frustrated and fed up, the wife called up her mom and said, "We fought again, I can't do this anymore. I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you."

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.74/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (19)

Good News & Bad News

Doctor: "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?"
Patient: “Good new please!”
Doctor: “Well, we’re naming a disease after you...”

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro rol...

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro roll up to an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy, the officer, halts them and sternly declares, "It's illegal to cram five people into a Quattro. 'Quattro' means four."
The Englishman, incredulous, retorts, "Quattro is just the name of the car! Check the papers: it's designed for five."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means four. You've got five folks in there; it's against the law."
The Englishman, now irate, demands, "Get your supervisor! I need someone with more intelligence!"
Paddy quips back, "Sorry, Murphy's tied up with two blokes in a Fiat Uno.
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

Vacation

My friend Jim told me that when he asked his wife where she wanted to go on vacation, she said that being married to him was a vacation.
When I commented that was a nice thing to say to him, Jim replied, "Well, actually, what she said was I was the 'last resort.'"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.67/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (15)

Credit Cards

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"
No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

A Prisoner's Last Request

Two men, sentenced to die on the same day, were led down to the room where the electric chair was. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden.He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "Kill me first."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

I Got Arrested

I got arrested today for walking out of an art museum with a painting.
I’m just so confused because earlier when I asked the security if I could take a picture, they said “yes.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Things To Consider

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring...
On the other hand, you don’t.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I already have like 50 wooden balls already.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym yesterday.
That's 8 years in a row now.

Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!"
Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife."

I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything!

I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.

My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.”
I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

#joke #animal #dog #fruit #avocado #food #dinner #sport #gym
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Skydiving

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Old friends

Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (14)

Jokes Archive

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