Food jokesJokes about foods. These are the jokes listed 1 to 15. |
New Beer’s Eve Jokes: Kick Off the Brew Before the Big Day
New Beer’s Eve Beer Jokes: Celebrate on April 6th—the unofficial pre-party to National Beer Day on April 7th—with a frothy collection of witty beer jokes to tickle your funny bone and lift your spirits.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains
that could have become beer but didn't.
How can you show that you're planning for the future?
Buy 2 cases of beer instead of 1.
Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
Because it does not have to stop to change color.
When I drink water
it has to be filtered through a brewery first.
If you take the word "milk"
and change only four letters,
you get "beer."
Dinosaurs had no beer
how did that work out?
For more laughs and brew-tiful humor, see more beer jokes.
You can't buy happiness,but you can buy beer
that's kind of the same thing.
I ran twice today...
first I ran out of beer...
then I ran to get some more.
How can you show that you're planning for the future?
Buy 2 cases of beer instead of 1.
Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
Because it does not have to stop to change color.
Beer is made from hops.
Hops are plants.
Therefore beer = salad.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking,
so now I drink in front of a mirror.
Beer:
Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.
🥕 Carrot Day Jokes – 10 Crunchy Laughs for April 4th!
April 4th is International Carrot Day, and we're celebrating the funniest root in the veggie patch! Whether you're a fan of puns or just here for the laughs, these carrot jokes will have you peeling with laughter.
Why do sailors eat so many carrots?It helps them sea better!
Why was the programmer eating carrots?
So that they could C#!
How do carrots pay their bills?
With celery.
Check out some older carrot jokes 🥕
Why did the carrot go to therapy?
It had too many deep-rooted issues.
What did the carrot say during a job interview?
“I’m very well-rounded and great with stew-dents.”
How do you make gold soup?
Put 24 carrots in it! Why was the carrot a terrible musician?
Because it always lost its beat in the stew.
What did the baby carrot say after a long day?
"I'm totally steamed."
What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face!
How do carrots stay fit?
They do carrot-te.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Day Jokes
Happy National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day! Celebrate April 2, 2025 with some deliciously nutty jokes:
Why did the peanut butter break up with the jelly?
Because it felt smothered!
What’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’s favorite type of music?
Smooth jams.
Why did the PB&J go to therapy?
They had a lot of spread-out issues.
What did the bread say after the PB&J got together?
“You two are really my jam!”
Want more puns? Check out this hilarious list of peanut butter puns.
Why did the peanut butter apply for a job?
It wanted to spread its skills.
What do you call jelly that’s always in a rush?
Jam-packed!
Why don’t peanut butter and jelly ever get into arguments?
Because they always stick together.
Here’s another funny one: The Peanut Butter Rooster.
What’s a jelly’s favorite pickup line?
“Are you toast? ‘Cause I want to be on you.”
What did the grape jelly say to the peanut butter at the party?
“Let’s jam!”
Why did the PB&J sandwich go to school?
To become a little smarter and more well-bread!
Ice Cream
What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends...
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite.""OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card; it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex.
Great short jokes for mid-week laugh
Sadly my obese parrot just died.
But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
As I was sitting drinking my morning cup of tea in my slippers, I thought to myself...
I really must wash some cups!
"999. Which emergency service do you require?"
"What time is the next train out of Victoria station?"
"Sir, that is not an emergency."
"It most certainly is, I'm tied to the tracks!"
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
A midget walks into a library and asked the librarian if there are any books about irony.
The librarian says yes it’s on the top shelf.
How many beans should you put in a pot of chili?
239. Just one more and it'll be too-farty.
My friend decided to get a face tattoo of his favourite Star Wars character…
You should have seen the Luke on his face!
My wife was blaming me for ruining her birthday
that's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday.
My wife was mad at me because I only spent half a minute celebrating her birthday
In my defense, she told me it was her 32nd birthday
How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds
She took me upstairs, got me to take all my clothes off and tied me to the bed..
And that’s why we aren’t allowed in IKEA anymore.
Nut Jokes, to celebrate National Nut Day
National Nut Day is celebrated annually on October 22. Celebrate it with some jokes!
What did one nut say to the nut it was chasing?
"I'm a cashew!"
Why did the nut go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little nutty.
What do you call a nut that sneezes?
A cashew!
How do you make a walnut laugh?
You crack it up!
Why did the peanut get in trouble?
It was acting like a real nutcase.
What did the pecan say to the walnut?
"We're friends because we're both nuts!"
Why are almonds always optimistic?
They always see the glass as half full of nuts.
What is a squirrel's favorite streaming service?
Nut-flix.
Why did the nut go to school?
To become a little smarter.
Why did the squirrel dismantle the clock?
To get to the nuts inside.
What did the nut exclaim when it sneezed?
"Cashew!"
Why did the nut blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why are nuts so bad at getting along?
They always drive each other nuts.
What do you call a nut in space?
An astro-nut!
Why was the peanut butter upset?
It was feeling a bit salty.
Why did the nut get a job?
It was out of cashew!
What did the nut say when it had a bad day?
"Oh, nuts!"
Why did the walnut win the race?
It was ahead of the pack.
What's a nut's favorite genre of music?
Rock 'n' roll!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew a check.
What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?
A pistachio!
What do you call a nut in space?
An astronaut!
What's the best way to catch an elephant?
Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut.
Where's the best place to find out facts about nuts?
The inter-nut!
What noise did the nut make when it sneezed?
Cashew!
What kind of spread does the Queen like the most?
Peanut butter!
What's the most valuable kind of nut?
A cashew!
What eats nuts and bolts?
A hungry squirrel!
When do peanuts make you feel good?
When they're complimentary!
Which nut wears a bra?
A chestnut!
How do you know if someone's lost their marbles?
They start playing with their nuts instead.
What's the most expensive nut?
An almond leg!
Which nuts are small, brown and hang from branches?
Monkey nuts!
What nuts can you wear on your feet?
Cashews!
Why did the squirrel sit in the same spot all winter?
He'd buried his nuts there.
Which nut cries the most?
An assaulted peanut!
What's the most common name for girl peanuts?
Michelle!
Did you hear the joke about the peanut, pistachio and cashew?
It was nut funny!
What did the nut chasing another nut say?
I'm going to cashew!
Why did the motorist spread peanut butter on the road?
So they'd have something to go with the traffic jam!
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years...
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she made him a full breakfast with a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring the coffee, he noticed a $5 bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this is just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the money for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you and he said, ‘Fuck him, give him a fiver.’”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
