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Jokes of the day for Monday, 29 May 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 29 May 2023
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Happy Monday! Check out new jokes!

I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors weren't happy but the front door looks great!

Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers.
Tailor says, "Euripides?"
Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

I asked my wife, "Do you know a three letter word for 'eggs'?"
Her: It's ova.
Me: Why? Is it because I'm terrible at crosswords?

If I'm reading their lips correctly …
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

I married my wife for her looks.
Though not the ones she been giving me lately.

My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.
So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.

English lesson…

Tsunami
T is silent

Psychology
P is silent

Knife
K is silent

Honest
H is silent

Wife
Husband is silent

#joke #monday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Pagan Wives

Q: Why do pagan girls make the best wives?A: Because they will worship the ground you walk on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 January 2023
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher...

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher... - The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed... - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Why Did the Fish Blush?

Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 May 2021
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Pet names....

There once was a man who was so proud of the fact that he had six kids that he insisted on calling his wife "mother of six."

His wife hated this name and asked him repeatedly not to call her that, but he was a stubborn man and was very proud that he had six kids.

One evening they were at a dinner party for his company and it was getting close to the time that they should be leaving. The husband yelled from across the room over to his wife, "mother of six, are you ready to go?"

Annoyed with his question, she responded, "In a minute, Father of four."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 June 2017
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

Drinking enough

Today, people are drinking enough liquid to turn the O'sheas green.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 March 2011
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

John Caparulo: Yard Sales on Memorial Day

Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for white trash.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 May 2012
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (47)

An explorer walked into a clea...

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 May 2010
  • Currently 6.78/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (45)

Dan Cummins: Pizza Sale

I saw a grown man once riding one of those weird standup scooters down the side of the road -- you have to tilt to make it move forward, I think its called a Segway or a Douchebag Way -- wearing a toga and holding a sign for a pizza sale. My first thought was, Congrats, youve hit rock bottom. But my second thought was, If you took away just the sign, then that guy would rule.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 May 2010
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (45)

A Jewish Landing

As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 May 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (41)

I think...

There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde.

They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear."

So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears.

Submitted by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 May 2011
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (35)

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