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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 19 July 2025

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 19 July 2025

The Speed of Light

My brain travels at the speed of light...
One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 November 2019
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

Spelling...

A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see.

One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.

"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.

"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."

The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly having an impact.

Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"

#joke #animal #cat #dog #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 August 2016
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Growing penis

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.

But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked.

"Crutches???" the doctor asked.

"Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (53)

John Caparulo: Airport Security Inspection

I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes... They made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, Youre a dick, dude. I cant believe you -- thats too far.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 3.31/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (52)

Last requests

Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun.' "
#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 July 2017
  • Currently 7.68/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (41)

A dietitian was once addressin...

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
#joke #food #cake #meat #eating #drinks #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 6.41/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (41)

Knock Knock Collection 097


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaiah!
Isaiah who?
Isaiah nothing till you open this door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Istvan!
Istvan who?
Istvan to be alone!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy be a big job!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivan!
Ivan who?
Ivan enormous snake in my pocket!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivana!
Ivana who?
Ivana be rich!

#joke #animal #snake
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 2.97/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (35)

Human=Donkey!

A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy is Equal to Donkey that works.
#joke #short #animal #donkey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 April 2015
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

A man was driving down the roa...

A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it!
So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. Again, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seat belt.
#joke #animal #snail
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Why?

Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 December 2009
  • Currently 7.22/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (9)

Jimmy Carr: Sexual Peak

Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years. Men reach theirs after about four minutes.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 November 2016
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Toilet Paper

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"   

#joke #animal #bunny
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2016
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

Question time

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....

"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 June 2008
  • Currently 8.19/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (42)

Hipsters

Hipsters hate rivers...
Too mainstream.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 May 2023
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A housewife with three young c...

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day.
She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.
When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey."
"Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"
#joke #food #dinner #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 August 2016
  • Currently 4.39/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (41)

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