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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 June 2024

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 June 2024

Why Easter Is Special

A group of four-year-olds were being questioned by their teacher in a Sunday School class. Looking across at those bright little faces, the teacher asked this question: "Does anyone know what today is?" A little girl held up her hand and said, "Yes, today is Palm Sunday." "That's fantastic!" the teacher said. "Now does anyone know what next Sunday is?" The sam little girl lifted her hand. "Yes," she said, "next Sunday is Easter Sunday."The teacher was all smiles. "Oh, very good. Now...does anyone know what makes next Sunday Easter?"On a roll the same little girl responded, "Yes, next Sunday is Easter because Jesus rose from the grave." Before the impressed teacher could congratulate her, however, the girl added, "but if He sees His shadow, He has to go back in for seven weeks."-
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 August 2022
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

Incapable of Multitasking

My wife told me I was incapable of multitasking.
So I got drunk and embarrassed her at the same time.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 February 2022
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Church bells....

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Jenny went straight round to visit her grandmother.

When she asked how her grandpa had died, her granny explained, "He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning." Horrified, Jenny suggested that having sex at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble.

"Oh no," her granny replied, "we had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells.

She paused, and wiped away a tear.

"If it wasn't for that dang ringy-ding-ding ice cream truck going past just as the church bells were ringing, he'd still be alive."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 July 2015
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

The Dentist

The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.      

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 April 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

He who lives by the sword, die...

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 June 2011
  • Currently 2.35/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (55)

Send me your ...

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out having coffee with a friend. She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I’m on the toilet.
Please advise.

#joke #food #eating #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 June 2020
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (50)

Death In The Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

The blonde said, "I just got off of the phone with my sister. Her mother died too!"

#joke #blonde #drinks #coffee #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 June 2011
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (48)

Mad Dog!

What do you call a dog that hears voices?
A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 June 2013
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

A Heavenly Welcome

A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.""Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!" The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 June 2010
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (37)

Ugliest baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

#joke #animal #monkey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 December 2013
  • Currently 5.87/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (15)

The woman entered the room, an...

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.
Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.
Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.
And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
Don't you just love shopping for shoes?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 December 2016
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Furniture stores

“The two largest furniture stores in my hometown are owned by a pretty single lady and a good looking bachelor. They started dating lately. Their customers are hoping for the best. So fa, so good!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 June 2020
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

A Million Dollars

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.
"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"
GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"
GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."
The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"
GOD said, "In a minute."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 April 2013
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

There was the elderly man of 8...

There was the elderly man of 80 years who told his doctor that he was about to marry a 20-year-old. The doctor said, "That's great", but thinking of the young bride, said, "Why don't you also take in a young boarder after you get married."
The man said, "That's a great idea, Doc. We'll do just that."
A few months later, the Doctor saw the 80-year-old man, and asked him how he was, and how was his marriage to the young wife?
The man replied, "Fine Doc. And she's fine, too. As a matter of fact, she's pregnant!"
The Doctor smiled, and asked, "And how is the young boarder?"
The man replied, "Oh, she's pregnant, too."
#joke #doctor #wedding #bride
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 May 2015
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Monday Morning

Happy Monday Morning
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 September 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

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