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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 February 2025

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 February 2025

The Future of Technology

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter spoke up.
“You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat 
up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"


And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."    

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 June 2021
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (45)

A Greek and Italian were sitti...

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".

...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,

"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 February 2011
  • Currently 7.75/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (44)

The Hole

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.

"Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (37)

Dog Track

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.

At the Dogs (23)


"Your dog called last night."

#joke #animal #dog #food #honey #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 February 2014
  • Currently 7.16/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (32)

Jim Gaffigan: Gym Teacher Aspirations

You think when gym teachers are younger, theyre thinking, You know I want to teach, but I dont want to read?
#joke #short #sport #gym
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (31)

The Young Executive & The Blonde CEO

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen,' said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?'
'Certainly,' said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy...'

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 May 2017
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (36)

A man walks onto the campus of Yale University...

A man walks onto the campus of Yale University. He walks up to a student and asks "Where's the bathroom at?"

The student responds haughtily, "Here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition."

The man realizing his terrible unforgivable mistake corrects himself, "Where's the bathroom at asshole?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 September 2024
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

What Women Want

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered... is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beau replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day... or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way... Things are going to get ugly.

#joke #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 March 2017
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A doctor in a teaching hospita...

A doctor in a teaching hospital was discussing an X-ray with his students.
“This patient has been walking with a pronounced limp for some time,” he said. “The X-ray shows us his fibula and tibia are radically arched.” He pointed to a student. “You…what would you do in this case?” “Well, gee!” said student. I guess I’d limp, too.”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 October 2015
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

A woman comes to a gynecologis...

A woman comes to a gynecologist for a checkup. She seems to be very embarrassed and uncomfortable.
"Haven't you been examined like this before?" asks the doctor.
"Many times," she giggles, "but never by doctor."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 July 2015
  • Currently 5.95/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (19)

Celebrity pastry chef

Now that I'm a hotshot celebrity pastry chef,
I drive a Studebaker
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 April 2023
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

And the Winner Is

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother?
Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison.
“Okay, dad, you get the toy.”

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 April 2017
  • Currently 8.58/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (48)

A Dollar for Sunday School

A little boy came home eating a big candy bar. Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had already spent all his allowance money. Surprised, she asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said."But that dollar was for Sunday School," his mother replied. Smiling, the boy said, "I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"
#joke #food #eating #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 December 2022
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

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