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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 11 March 2026

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 11 March 2026

Why do you do that, Mom?

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, Mom?"

"To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" Johnny started. "Giving up?"

#joke #short #mother #mom
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 April 2017
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

A Rare Book

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 March 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (54)

Nuns on the Highway

A cop pulls over a car full of nuns. The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”
Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The copy says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”
“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
But then the copy glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear. He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”
Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 March 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (44)

Mike Vecchione: Private Detective School

I went online to become a private detective. It was a private detective school online, and I paid online. But then I never heard from them again. I thought to myself, I either got ripped off or this is my first case.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 March 2012
  • Currently 6.69/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (36)

One morning the phone rang at ...

One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 March 2009
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (36)

Demetri Martin: Stutter

One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think thats a bad thing, but to me thats just like starting certain words with a drum roll. Thats not an impediment, thats suspense.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 March 2010
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (35)

Travel jokes

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

What happens when you wear a watch on a plane?
Time flies!

I wanted to make a joke about time travel,
but you guys didn’t like it.

Why don't aliens visit our planet?
It has terrible ratings. Just one star.

The food on the small aircraft wasn’t good…
it was a little plan

Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.

The airline lost my luggage, so I sued them.
Unfortunately, I lost the case.

As I waited for my luggage at the airport, a man lifted my suitcase off the baggage carousel.
'Excuse me,' I shouted.
'That’s my suitcase.'
The man shot back defensively,
'Well, somebody took mine!'

My favourite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.

#joke #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 May 2023
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Meet Me For Lunch

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher asked, 'Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?'
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, 'I guess you'd be eating alone.'

#joke #food #lunch #eating
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 May 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Looking Better

What is the difference between a salon and a saloon?
A salon is where you go to make yourself look better.
A saloon is where you go to make everyone else look better.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 July 2024
  • Currently 9.26/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (19)

A retired man who volunteers t...

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to Walton hospital in Liverpool and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 September 2016
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILD...

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
#joke #animal #cat #dog #food #tomato #drinks #milk
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 April 2009
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Days of the Week

Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - Saturday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 July 2015
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

One of Life's Lessons

While preaching about forgiving ones enemies, the preacher asked for a show of hands of those who were willing to forgive their enemies. About half of the congregation raised their hands. The minister continued his lection and again asked for a show of hands. This time, 80 percent of his congregation raised their hands. Not giving up, the minister continued for fifteen more minutes. When he again asked for a show of hands, all members—except one—raised their hands.
"Mr. Jones,” asked the minster, “are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
"I don't have any.”
Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. I know you are 86-years-old. Would you please come down to the front and explain to all of us how you have lived so long without making a single enemy in the world?”
Mr. Jones teetered to the front and briefly explained, “Its easy. Ive outlived every one of them.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 May 2015
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

My Boss Won't Stop Flirting

My boss won't stop flirting with me.
It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Mainly because we're a family run business.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 June 2023
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

A blonde is swimming in a rive...

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, "What are you doing in there?" She says, "I'm washing my clothes." The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing machine?" The blonde says, "I tried that, but it was too dizzy.
#joke #short #blonde #sport #swimming
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 August 2014
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (49)

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